Heart to Heart
by DunkinDonutsHobo
Summary: Tohru's always been the girl who smiled, through good and bad, right? What if she was hiding something, something she didn't want to burden anyone with, but what happens when you only have one more year to smile, to laugh...to live?
1. Prologue: My Situation

Do not **underestimate** your worth by

_comparing_ yoursel with others

It's cause we're_ different _that

each of us is **special.**

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**

**Prologue: Our Situation**

It was snowing again. I guess you could call it a mini snow storm, since it's been snowing for days now. We haven't had school in a week because of it. I sighed and sat sullenly back down on the bench. I was waiting at a bus stop, groceries in hand. Not many people were out because of the snow, but here I was. I checked my watch again, It was late again.

Then a sudden pain hit my chest, making me almost double over. My breaths came out in short pants as I tried to straighten myself up. I dropped the bags and crouched over. Then that was when I heard the noise of a car slow down.

"Miss Honda?" The voice was calm, and steady. I looked up and there was Hatori Sohma, that doctor of the Sohma family. I straightened myself despite the beating pain in my chest, and burning in my arms. I couldn't let anyone know.

"Hi Hatori!" I said, smiling, I was always glad to see any Sohma.

"Tohru-chan!" the back window rolled down and sure enough there was Momiji. He was such a cutie, and it was almost hard to believe that he was only a year younger. I walked slowly to the car, the pains worsening as I moved, but hey, I had a show to put on.

"Hihi!Are you heading home? You know the buses are out today dontcha?" He started. And I must of looked dubious, cause Momiji started laughing.

"We can take you home Tohru." Hatori said, and Momiji opened the door.

"Oh my! Thank you so so so much! I could've sworn Shigure told me something about the buses, but I was in such a rush because I needed to make dinner!" I started blabbing and bowing in respect at the same time.

"Just get in." Hatori said and just looked back straight into the road. Momiji scooched over into the next seat and let me in.

"Thank you so much again!" I said one more time.

"So Yuki or Kyou didn't come?" Momiji stated. He was kind of like me you could say. He never showed when he was sad. He kept it mostly all in, and never burdened anyone. I smiled softly.

"Nope! They got into a fight again, so I decided to leave and get the groceries, I didn't think they'd notice." I said, then I guess I kind of zoned out for a bit.

Most of you know me as Tohru, nice, respectful, and healthy Tohru. Well, scratch out the healthy part at least. Not many people at all know this. And I don't plan on telling anyone else that needs to know than necessary. I didn't even tell Yuki, Kyou, or Shigure. How could I? Maybe it's wrong not to tell them what's wrong with me, but I don't want to be babied. So you want to know what the big fuss is right? Well, I guess telling only one more person couldn't hurt.

I have a Coronary Artery Disease, better known as Angina. I've always made fun of the name, to make it easier on my family. It never worked. My mother was always worried about me. Constantly, but she always said things to encourage me. Angina is a heart disease which the symptoms you could sort of relate to Asthma. Short of breath, pain in chest, weak in the knees, and forth most important fainting. As a child I never thought of it as much as a bad thing, I always dismissed it. But now, It's starting up again. I've only ever gone to one doctor about this. One my family trusted. But ever since Mom died I haven't seen her since.

"Tohru? Tohru? What's the matter? Are you hurt somewhere?" I heard the worried and frantic voice of Momiji. I hadn't noticed, but I was crouched over again, hand to my chest and panting. I caught myself and straightened almost immediately.

"ohmygosh! I'm so sorry! I'm fine though!" I said hastily, it was semi-true, the pain was lessening, and I got my breath back.

"Are you sure Miss Honda?" Hatori suddenly spoke, his eyes were narrowed as if in concentration and maybe a tint of worry. I was nervous, he was doctor, if he tried really hard or had some sort of suspicion, he would be the first person to figure it out.

"Yes, I'm really sorry, I kind of lost myself for a moment." I said sheepishly. I always felt bad about lying. This was the first day in a couple weeks when the pains starting affecting me again. I looked out the window, we were already in front of Shigure's house.

"Awe! Don't worry bout it Tohru, we all have those moments." There was Momiji's smile again.

"Thanks for the ride home again!" I said, while opening the door.

"Bye Momiji! Hatori!" I said while bowing, I closed the door and took two steps back. Then Hatori spoke up one last time.

"If you ever need anything, we're just a phone call away. Remember I'm a doctor." He said, then took off, Momiji's face smiling and waving through the window. I waved back as they went away. The pain was gone, and I could breath properly again, although my arms were a little sore.

So that's what's been happening. I've been a little edgy now. I haven't had any problem with this heart thing for a while, but now...I heard you could die from it. But I'd never ask anyone, it would cause too many problems. And I didn't want to search online, because...well...I guess you could say, I didn't want to know either.

I sighed again, ready to go into the house, Smile plastered on face, and steadily and surely walked into my home.

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Feedback please! Tell me if I should continues (which I am going to anyway) lo**l REVIEW.**


	2. One: Keep Your Word

a/n this is not Tohru/Hatori story, sorry if you were hoping for it xP

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it's _not that_ i believe **everything** _happens  
_for **a reason**.. it's just that I think that some  
things are _meant _to be **broken**; imperfect; _chaotic_.  
it's the **universes way** of _providing_contrast.  
there has to be a _few holes_ in the **road**..  
.it's how life is.

**Chapter One: Keep Your Word**

We didn't have school the next day either, can't say that I'm not happy. It felt great to take a break, but once the snow lessens, it's back to the books! We were all outside the Shigure's house, just having plain old fun in the snow. It kind of felt like a big party, almost everyone was out here! I took in the scene around me, the light snow fall, the laughing voices, happy smiles, It made me feel good inside seeing people enjoying themselves. Kyo and Yuki, of course, managed to get into a fight about who's snowman was better...considering neither one had arms, noses, mouths, the fight was pointless. Hatushara, better known as Haru, just leaned lazily onto a tree, analyzing the scene, same as me. Hiro, staying awfuly close to Kisa, Ah, young love.

Kisa and Momiji were making snow angels, even Hatori decided to come out and visit, He had said Ayame wanted to come, but since it being too cold and considering their 'conditions' it wouldn't have been the greatest idea. 'I wonder if-' and in mid thought I felt a slight push from behind, a cold, wet, and soggy push. I turned around in time to see Momiji innocently whistling up into the sky and Kisa giggling behind her hand. The games had begun.

"Oh no you don't!" I yelled out giddily, bringing Kyo and Yuki into the battle, and by now, even Haru had formed out little game. It was Kisa, Momiji, Hiro and Haru. Against Me, Kyo, and Yuki. We were now all line up facing the opposing teams.

"Any last words cow for brains?" Kyo taunted. 'definitely not the brightest of the group' I thought with a giggle...but apparently I must've missed something. Because now we aren't dealing with plain ol' Haru. This was Black Haru. Kyo must've hit a nerve there I thought sheepishly.

"Ya damn pansy! What kind of ball is that!" Haru shouted enthusiastically, waving and shaking his arms about animatedly. 'The Sohma's have many...strange habits' I thought to myself, even though I had figured that out a while back.

Kyo looked around wildly to see if anyone else made the connection he probably made in his head.

"You sick bastard! Looking at other guy's balls, you sicken me!" Kyo shouted, I could almost see Yuki shake his head sullenly.

"You damn right know what I mean perverted dumbass!"

"Now now kiddies! There are virgin ears around!" came Shigure's sing-song voice. That's when Kisa walked up to me and gave a light tight on my jacket.

"Sissy?" She asked in her angelic voice, that we almost weren't able to hear a months ago.

"Kisa?" I asked, tilting my head to the side in question. She looked up into my eyes, and I could see the burning curiosity in hers.

"What's an vir-gin and a bas-tard?" I almost tripped over my own feet. Everyone was sent into a deathly quiet silence. I was pretty sure I could hear a soft snicker coming from Hiro in the corner.

"Well..umm, see well...theres a...umm, many young, gah, maybe not that way..." I stumbled over my words.

"Sissy?" She asked again quietly, oh great. 'Nice going Kyo...' Umm...should I even be explaining this to a 12 year old? Oh dear...

"Umm...Shigure? Hatori! A little help?" I asked, slowly sinking to my knees exashperated. With not a clue what to say.

"Oh, You're doing fine Tohru! Explain the birds and the bee's! Use the birds and the bees! G o Tohru! Go Tohru!" he said, cheering me on. 'Gah!' Kyo started this whole mess!

"Gah!" I dug my hands into my hair, hearing laughs from all around, the loud, obnoxious one from Kyo, a light chuckle trying to be concealed by the cough from Yuki, Black Haru's cackle, Momiji's giggle.

Before I could think I dug up snow into a round ball and shot it straight in Kyo's face, the source of this embarrassing conversation.

"Shit!" came the loud voice again, and Haru's wild laughs. I sighed in relieve as the little steam of mine went away with that tiny snowball. 'That question took years off my life.' Suddenly I felt giddy, happy, and I took hands with Momiji and Kisa and we formed a circle, just laughing and twirling around in our circle.

"_Ring around the rosey, a pocket full of posies, Ashes, Ashes, they all fall down._" and on cue we all fell down to the ground, laughing and giggling to one another. In the background behind our laughing, you could hear Kyo and Haru arguing, Yuki enjoying the peace, and Shigure and Hatori trying to relive the past.

"Tohru! Let's catch snow flakes in our mouth!" Momiji said, looking up into the sky, tongue sticking out. Kisa followed in the suit too. I looked up and toward the sky. The sky seemed a pure white, almost hard to look at. Looking up into that sky, made me remember a lot of things.

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_**Flashback**_

_'The sky's so white!' I thought aloud. Soft snowflakes were falling down from the sky, It was all in all, beautiful. The snow always made me calm, everything looked so peaceful out here, I heard the peals of laughter coming from a group of girls, and to my right kids chaining up their bikes. _

_It was the middle of the new year in Junior High, that was three years ago, while we were still in Eighth Grade. I'm not sure how we all met up at first, but that was when we all became friends, somehow. We were all different, and yet we complemented each other so perfectly. _

"_Hey guys!" I ran up to Uo and Hana just outside the gates of the school._

"_Hey there yourself." Uo said with a smile, She was still kind of webbed into this all girl gang, but I know she'll get out of it somehow. Uo always found a way to make things right. _

"_I sense a strange electrical wave, similar to yours Tohru." Hana Jima stated, looking behind me, gazing there. That was when I felt the tap on my shoulder._

"_Huh?" Was my intelligent response. I whipped around and sure enough, there he was. Ryou Honda. _

"_ohmygosh! I heard you were transfered over here!" I said, while giving him the biggest bear hug I could muster. Ryou Honda was my cousin from my father's side. He was one of the few people who knew about my health issues, and he was the one who helped out with me and Mom when Dad died. He was like our support system, I guess you could say he was an older brother to me._

"_Oh yeah! Uo, Hana, Meet Ryou! He's my cousin! I've told you about him before, He's always helping me and mom out." I said, introducing them for the first time._

"_finally able to meet you."_

"_Pleasure." _

_From then on, we were always together. It was always Me, Uo, Hana, and Ryou from then on. We went to movies, picnics, school activities. It was always fun. We always thought we'd always be friends._

_

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_

**Present**

Oh how wrong we were. He disappeared right after the accident happened. The car accident, the one with mom. He just up and left. He lived on his own like Uo. He never showed up at the funeral, or school, after a week his apartment was empty. No one saw or heard from him since. Ryou became a sore subject around me, Uo, and Hana Jima. It was almost like betrayal. Uo still thinks that he had something to do with the accident, but...he wouldn't have. Hana Jima, doesn't even act like there was ever a Ryou.

I think they've blocked them out of their minds, it's almost as if the don't remember the laughs and smiles we've all held together back then. It was almost as if they're memories have been pushed to the farthest corner of their mind, never to be touched again. Maybe I was the only one who remembers.

"Tohru?" Kisa gave a light tug on my jacket again.

"Huh?" I said looking down at her.

"You looked...far-away." she said slowly.

"Only for a little bit, but I'm all good now! Pinky swear!" I said, locking my pinky with hers.

"Good." She said smiling up at me.

"Let's all head home now, it's getting cold now." Hatori called out to all of us, he was always he responsible one.

"Awwee! Just a couple more minutes!" Momiji started.

"Shut up ya brat! Jeez." Kyo started shaking Momiji's head. I sighed, as I took up the back of the group while walking back to Shigure's house, It was that far away from the house, but enough to make you tired. My chest felt like it was being compressed, squeezing hard. My breaths came out in short breaths as I steadied myself on a tree. My arms were burning, I couldn't hold them up any longer. I had already fallen back behind the group way behind. But since I took up the back, no one noticed.

I couldn't stand anymore, I sank to my knees and leaned back on the tree. Trying to take deep breaths, trying to make the world stop shaking. Then I saw a face. A little boy's face. It felt like my heart was going to burst in flames of pain. For a little boy, he was able to haul me up to my feet with almost no trouble at all.

"ughh..." I moaned, crouching back down to the cold, wet, snow covered ground.

"What's the matter with you?" said a gruff, yet young voice I immediately recognized as Hiro's. Nothing was said for a few minutes, I knew we were alone.

"...don't...tell anyone.." I said, trying to get the words out properly. After a few minutes, the pain resided, although I was dizzy, but I was able to stand up straight.

"What's wrong with you girl?" He asked again, sounding annoyed and maybe even a little concerned...or maybe that was just my imagination.

"N-nothing, just umm...don't tell anyone...please?" I asked, almost begged. I couldn't stand it if people found out. How would they take it? How would they take it if they knew that I could just keel over sooner or later without knowing when? My guess was that they wouldn't take it well.

"I just got a little over worked and it was really nothing, I"m perfectly fine now, no one needs to know, I mean nothing has to be said to anyone. I'm perfectly healthy, I swear! And Umm, well yeah! Every thing's just fin-"

"Shut up. You talk way to much." He said, turning on his heels, and walking away toward the group, which was already almost out of sight.

"So you won't tell anyone?" I pressed on. He still didn't look at me, then all of the sudden whipped around.

"On one condition."

"Anything...err, well almost anything?" I should expected this. I sighed, shaking my head.

"You have to tell me what's wrong with you, If you call that healthy, then there's no way in hell that I would like to see you sick."

It took me a couple minutes to think it over. What kind of conditions were those? Knowing him, I thought that he'd want money. Well...just a thought. I could trust him right? Who would he tell...everyone, that's who. But if I don't tell him, then he'll go and tell everyone right here and now. I sighed, once again.

"Coronary Artery Disease, I wasn't born with a healthy heart. You could kind of relate the symptoms to asthma. It just means my heart isn't getting enough oxygen and blood. That's it. Not that big of a deal." I tried to brush it off with a smile. But Hiro wasn't stupid.

"You know, People, especially women can die from that. I'm not stupid, It's more serious than you make it out to be. What do you take me for! But I guess since you told me, I'll keep my word...for now." He said crossing his arms. I smiled, he wasn't that bad a kid at all.

"Thanks." I said, relieved,

"You should at least tell Hatori." Was all he said before walking out. Leaving me there standing, contemplating that idea. But knowing I never would. What he said shocked me though, he told me the information I wanted to know, but didn't want to know at the same time. I started thinking stuff, about the future and so on. 'Get a hold of yourself, Your sixteen, and no way are you gonna get beat by some old heart problems!' i thought to myself to keep the morale up, but I think. Somewhere deep down, I knew I was wrong, way wrong.


	3. Two: Welcome, Now Leave

a.n. Awweee, don't tell me you some of you forgot who Hiro is! He's like Kisa's best friend. (Manga - Volume Six Anime - Episode 21).

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_sometimes_ you **gotta** try  
your hardest N0T to _care_ no  
matter **how much** you really do

**Chapter Two: Welcome Back, You Can Leave Now.**

**  
**

We all got back to the house exhausted and hungry. I was able to catch up with Momiji and Kisa in the front of the group by some sort of miracle, although I could feel Hiro's eyes burn a hole into the back of my head through half of the walk. Once we got back to the Shigure's everyone went their separate ways. I hugged Kisa like a big teddy bear. And waved the rest of the guys off.

"Bye!" I yelled out over the wind that had suddenly picked up, waving to car leaving cars. Shigure had already gone inside, and Kyo and Yuki were already in another fight. I smiled, It was great living with the Sohmas. I'm one lucky girl I am.

"Come one guys! I'll get started on dinner!" I said walking in, hearing their stomachs growl in response. I headed straight for the kitchen donning an apron hanging behind the door.

"Would you like some help Tohru?" came Yuki's musical voice from behind me.

"Hmm, well, you could help me chop the lettuce!" I said happily, I never had a truly lonely day in this house.

"So how's your base doing? Anything ready to pick yet?" I asked, wondering when the goods would be done.

"It's perfect, mostly everything should be ready in the next week or so." He said smiling, I was happy he was smiling, before I met him, I never got to see his smile before. From there on we muddled through talk of school, weather, homework.

"I love the snow..." I said dreamily, thinking about our day outside, I wish everyday could be like that. Just a perfect white sky, and little fairy-like clouds falling down from that sky.

"Yes, It's always so beautiful outside around this time of year, but cold too." he said, once we were done with the dinner we brought it out to the main table, and sure enough, the boys smelled the food and we're already seated.

"Dinner's ready!" I said

"Geez! Finally, I'm starving." Kyo said pushing himself up from the floor.

"Let's dig in kids." Shigure said, somehow whenever he says something, it sounds like he really means something else, I sighed.

"Oh, Tohru, That girl, umm, I think her name was Uo, called earlier while you were in the kitchen, she said to call her back soon as possible, sounded pretty urgent." Shigure said off-handedly.

'Uo called?' I thought to myself, Uo never calls, it cost too much, and she lived by her self. I immediately got up to my feet and headed to the phone. 'What if she's in some sort of trouble?' I thought frantically. I shakily dialed her number, and not even half way through the first ring she picked up.

"Tohru?" I heard her over the phone. She sounded different on the phone, kind of unsure or something. Or maybe it wasn't just the phone.

"Hi! Is everything alright? I just heard you called in right now." I babbled out.

"Do you remember, well...back in eighth grade..." She trailed off, that was unusual of her, Uo never even thought twice about some of the things that came out of her mouth.

"Uo? Where are you going with this."

"Tohru...he's back, I saw him." She said, she sounded angry, revengeful.

"Uo, he's gone. Not coming back." I said, there was only one person she could've been talking about. The only 'he' we ever hung out with.

"No Tohru, I saw him, I did."

"Uo...please.." I don't know what I wanted.

"It was his fault. You know it as well as I do. He went 'mysteriously' missing the second after the accident. I'm telling you he was involved in it somehow!" She sounded mad, but sad too. I wasn't sure what I believed. Maybe he just wanted to leave, and didn't know about the accident until later...or maybe Uo was right.

"We don't know that for sure." I held my ground, although unstable as it was.

"Tohru, just promise to stay away from him, If you see him, turn the other way...please? Tohru, I just know something is off about him, just steer clear." She said, it was almost the equivalence of begging to her.

I said nothing for a few moments. I still wasn't sure what I wanted. I wasn't sure if I wanted to even look at him ever again, leaving so many questions and mysteries behind, just up and leaving. I wasn't if I did want to see him, he was a blood relative, one of the only blood relatives I could actually consider family, besides grandpa. But what if Uo's suspicions were right? For all we know, he could've had something to do with the accident.

"Okay, I will Uo." I said.

"You have to promise." She said, she sounded serious, the most serious I've ever heard her before.

"..I promise." I swore, I highly even doubt he's even going to be around, even if Uo did see him, he might have just been passing through, It was a big city after all.

"Good, But just in case, don't go out anywhere alone, make sure the Prince, or even the carrot top is with you." she sounded concerned, on edge you could say.

"Uo...is there something else I should know?" I asked, I didn't understand what she was so uptight about, Ryou...he was one of us before, he was our best friend. Until about two years ago that is.

"No..I'll see you tomorrow alright? And remember, you promised." She said.

"Yup! Bye!" I said, and we both hung up. I slowly put the phone down, and just stood there. I looked out the window close to me, It was still snowing.

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_**Flash Back**_

"_Tohru! Look, It's still snowing!" grinned a cheeky Ryou. School had been out for the past couple of days. Ryou and I were in the park swing set. I was actually swinging on the swing, he thought he was too 'cool' and just leaned against the beams. _

"_I can see that Ryou, it's kind of hard to miss the little flecks of white falling from the sky." I giggled and he just scowled. He was like an older brother to me. And I was happy. As an only child. Ryou had helped us a lot when dad died. He was always there to make things easier for me and mom. _

"_Here come Uo and Hana." He said, standing up straight. I stopped swinging, but didn't leave the seat. I waved over to them and shouted out loudly._

"_You guys are late!" I shouted from where I was so that they could hear me._

"_Sorry, Hana said she felt a 'strong electrical' pull. And we had no choice but to track it down." Uo sighed._

"_The cell phone needed my help." Hana said, and I giggled, sometimes those two were too much._

"_Well mayb-" that's when I felt the icy cold drip down my face. _

"_RYOU!" I squealed. Uo cracked up in the back and Hana gave the lightest of giggles. My face was freezing cold. And I could hear the wheezing laugh from him in front of me, helping me wipe off my show covered face._

"_Sorry, couldn't' resist it. Your never on guard, better me than some other punk." he said still laughing._

"_Humph, If you say so." I said brushing the snow off my my coat._

"_Let us go now, the movie starts in a few minutes." Hana said, already taking the lead and heading off in the direction of the theater._

_

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_

**Present**

"Hullloooo?" A hand was waving up and down in front of my face.

"Earth to Tohru." Kyo said from next to me, and apparently the hand waving in front of my face was his.

"huh?" I asked, snapping out of my daze.

"Didn't I tell you bad stuff happens when you space out?" He said gruffly, I smiled, I knew he cared, but wasn't very good at vocalizing it. A giggled a little at that.

"What's so funny!" He snapped. And I tried to cover my laughs with a smile.

"Nothing at all Kyo." I said with a smile, and I wasn't sure, but I thought I saw the barest hint of a blush creep up onto his face.

"Gasp! The horror! There! At the door, asking for Tohru, our little flower a...BOY! Another man besides us! How could you Tohru!" Shigure's voice resonated through the house, I rolled my eyes and laughed.

"Shut up ya damned perv!" Kyo shouted out to him. I just laughed even more, but made my way towards the door.

"I'm coming!" I said, walking out of the kitchen into the main room...and there he was.

Dark hair, Green piercing eyes, tall, lean frame. It was him. After so long. There he was. After mysteriously disappearing. There he was. After putting everyone through hell to hind him. There he was. Just standing there in the room. Next to Shigure, there he was...Ryou Honda.

"Tohru?" He asked, his voice was deeper, it had a different ring to it. It wasn't it's usually jolly light tone, but now a somber and serious, yet unsure tone. That was when I remembered my promise. My promise to Uo. But yet, I was rooted to the spot. My laughter stopped immediately as soon as I saw him.

"Shigure...can you give us a minute." I asked, although it didn't come out as a question. Shigure didn't look jokingly anymore, he gave me a look as if to say, 'Are you sure?' I gave the lightest of nods, and he disappeared from the room dragging Kyo with him.

"Tohru, I-" he started, but I was fast.

"Leave." It only took that one word. The rest of the words, wouldn't come out, couldn't. I didn't even know if I knew what I wanted to say from the beginning. There were too many questions.

"Tohru plea-"

"The door is this way." I said, my face gave away nothing, not smile, no anger, no happiness, no nothing. Normally this is something I'd never be able to pull off...but something snapped when I saw him, here. I made my way over to the door, which was only a few steps away and opened it for him.

"You have to lis-" He tried again, his arm gripped my forearm. Not in a painful way, more like a 'Just wait please.' way.

"I don't have to hear anything. I'm going to ask you again. Please leave." I said, wrenching my arm away from him. Away from my problems. I guess you could call it running away from everything, but sometimes things are better left unsaid anyway.

"I'll be back...don't over-exert yourself." He said. I knew what he meant. My 'condition'. Before giving me one last, hard, cold look. Some people say that the eyes are the windows into the soul. And if that were true, then what I saw was awful. Pain, Misery, and last but not least concern.

"I don't care." I muttered to myself as soon as he left, looking at his retreating back.

"I don't care." I mumbled again. Feeling something inside of me slip away. I just wanted to cry. And cry, but I knew I couldn't. I could never.

"I don't care, I don't care." I kept saying over to myself.

"Tohru...Are you okay?" Yuki was behind me, I whipped around surprised. I quickly wiped at my face, trying to get rid of any signs of sadness.

"Peachy! I'm fine, It was just an old acquaintance." it hurt to say acquaintance. What was I doing?

"Tohru...your a bad liar." He said coming close to me, he took his finger and wiped a lone tear off my cheek. One I must've missed, the one that probably gave me away.

"I'm just stressed. So many things are going on, and I'm not sure If I'll have enough to time to figure them out." I said, but in my head I edited it to 'I'm not sure if I'll live long enough to see the happy ending that most stories had.'

He still looked concerned, but that was as much as I was willing to say right then and there.

"You know, if you ever have a problem, We're all here to help you. You've help us more than you could ever know. We all love you, you know." He said with a smile, which of course made me smile too.

"Thank You." I said mirroring his smile. I headed upstairs, fully aware that his eyes were watching me as I went up the steps.

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Please **REVIEW**! I want to know what you think of it! Feedback is what I live for. 


	4. Three: Second Attempt

At **some** point, you **learn** to accept the fact that the people you _wish_ wouldn't change, do.

Goodbyes **hurt**, but only mean forever if you let them.

Pictures never replace being there and nothing lasts forever

but you also learn to **laugh** until your stomach hurts,

act so **crazy** people think your high and live for the days with your **best friends**.

Just have **fun**; life's too short to worry about **change.**

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**Chapter Three: Attempt Two**

I wearily looked at the clock by my bedside and I groaned at the time. It was 4:00 in the morning, why I was up this early, then your gonna have to ask my nerves. I can't sleep, eat, or even think! This was absurd! Have I no life? I didn't dare drink coffee though, I just didn't like that stuff.

"Stupid, Stupid, Stupid." I said to myself, while trying to lay back and get a few more winks in, but it was to no avail. I sighed and got up I had already taken a shower an hour earlier, I had actually woken up at three, but couldn't find the will to go back to sleep. It was pathetic really.

I walked downstairs to start cooking, Kyo usually got up earlier than I did, I guess it was a habit from his training, but that was only a guess. I tracked down the stairs already in my school uniform. I was pretty sure we'd have school today, the roads were semi-clear, only a few patches of black ice, the sidewalks were cleaned off, and even though it was cloudy there was now snowfall, which was somewhat of a disappointment.

I sighed once again. I've been doing that for a while now, It can't be good. I put on my apron again and started on breakfast. I always lost time while cooking, it passed the time and it was something I was good at. Although, I didn't realize the whole while there was someone standing behind me.

"Your up early." Kyo remarked dryly. If he's not much of a morning person, why wake up early? It was already 5:14. Still an hour or two before school started.

"Couldn't go to sleep." I said turning around to flash a smile at him.

"You sick?" He asked, under the gruff exterior, I knew he was worried, and I wasn't sure if I liked that or not. I was happy he was concerned about me, but then again...I'm always making people concerned about me...I'm not that weak of a girl.

"Nope, bad dreams." I said, not quite looking at him.

"So, anything to do with the new guy?" He asked, leaning against the door frame. I stiffened noticeably. 'Ugh, great. Now he's suspicious.' I thought to myself. I stopped moving around the spatula, and turned to face him.

"I guess you could say that." I sighed, keeping my eyes downcast.

"Well, so what the hell is it? Cause whatever it is, it's put you into a funk." He said. I could tell he was trying to look me in the eyes, but I refused to look up, I couldn't lie in someone's face. It wasn't one of my talents at all.

Then all of the sudden he was right in front of me, hand holding my chin to look up into his eyes. His eyes were filled with determination and concern. Not good. I wouldn't have anyone know my secret. This moment right here right now...made me think of how people treated me before.

* * *

**Flash Back**

_**Age Seven**_

"_Eww, stay away from her, You might get sick." I was surrounded by a group of kids my age. All sneering looks thrown at me, from the front, the back, the sides. So many face._

"_She's a disease!" said another one, they all started to mimick my coughing. I had already felt the burning shame heat up in my face, then the hotness of the tears flying down my face._

_**Age Eleven**_

"_Tohru! Come play tag with us!" We were all outside, Me sitting on the swing, the rest of the kids playing on the field._

"_Sure!" I said excitedly walking out into the field, but then I felt a sharp tug coming from behind me._

"_Tohru! Honey, you can't play with them right now." Mom said, smiling sadly, she knew how bad I wanted this._

"_But mom! I promise, If I get tired, I promise I'll sit down! Promise!" I begged._

"_I'm sorry Tohru..." She said._

_**Age Fifteen**_

"_Look at the poor child..." I could hear the whispers coming from the older people who huddled in their little groups, I was with my mom at a family reunion. I barely knew anyone there besides grandpa._

"_She was always a nice girl with a big heart...I didn't think she had that big of a heart." I instantly knew what they were talking about, my 'disease' I hated what they said about it. _

"_Poor thing." Everywhere I went I heard whispers, I hated it._

_

* * *

_

**Present**

"Tohru! Tohru!" I felt someone shaking me back from my memories.

"Back!" I said happily, but when my nose started working, my face screwed up and looked around for the source of the smell...the stove.

"Ohmygosh! Did I do that!" I asked shocked. There on the stove were the pancakes I was making, burnt to a crisp black, and it seems as if the little kitchen towel hanging near it caught fire, which Kyo was trying to put out.

"I'm cutting you off, I'm sure the rat and the dog can handle one breakfast without a home cooked meal." he said wryly, and inside I was glad. How on earth could I have zoned out that much! GAH! I kept thinking about what would've happened if Kyo wasn't with me...there went our house.

"I'm so so so so so so so so so so so so so sorry!" I stressed the sorry while bowing 80 miles per hour.

"Relax, The house is still in one piece." He joked, 'Hah. Funny.' I thought sarcastically.

"Come on, let's go to the table." He said taking the lead, me following out to the main room. As we sat down, well in his case, lounged.

"So, back to what I was saying before. There's something your not telling me...us." He said, the fire strong determination back in his eyes. I was mid motion of looking down at the ground before he stopped me. "Don't look down." and I didn't.

"Kyo..." I said, I didn't want them to find out. I didn't want to hear the whispers again, the voices, the faces. I didn't want to see them again, ever.

"Tohru, it's obvious to everyone the downcast mood your in."

"Please..." I tried again. Kyo looked at me hard for a second, almost as to see if he looked deep into my eyes, he'd be able to bring out the truth. Then there was the overly long stretched out period of time of silence.

"You'll tell us when your ready?" He said finally, and I was glad. But now he knew something was up.

"Thank you." I said, smiling a watery smile, unknowingly.

"Keh." He huffed out crossing his arms, hah, I saw that blush that time, I giggled again.

All of the sudden Yuki came in. I jumped up to attention.

"Morning Yuki!" I said, and in no surprise he didn't respond, just shuffled into the kitchen looking at the ground, he gave off a very back off-y aura. Definitely not a morning person. I looked at the clock on the wall, hmmm, already 6:30...wow.

"We're going to be late." I said, shuffling my feet, wondering what was taking Yuki so long.

"Let's just leave him, he can catch up later." Kyo said gruffly, already off the floor and with his bag.

"but shouldn't we wait, we can't just lea-" I was cut off as he grabbed my bag and dragged me and it out the door.

"Too late now," he said. We made it to school a a little early, everyone was already here, but then again most people tried to get in earlier just to hang out with their friends, oh yeah, and sure enough as Kyo said, Yuki caught up with no trouble at all. The Sohmas are amazing, that's all I have to say.

"Tohru!" I heard Momiji as he ran up to me in the hallway, I hear Kyo sigh in the background.

"Hi Momiji!" I said, Haru behind him, in his own way of saying hi, Haru gave me the peace sign.

"Hi to you too Haru!" I said smiling.

"Tohru! Guess what?" Momiji bounced up and down.

"Umm, What!" I asked, Momiji always made a way to get me pumped.

"There's a new student! He's in your class too!" He said excitedly. 'Hmm, I new guy. That's not too often.'

"Who's the new guy? Is he here yet? I hope he's not one of the jerks, they're mean." I said, Haru just shrugged, but had a sinful looking smile on.

"It must've been sudden, the whole school would've known for a while if a new guy was coming. So, point him out to me!" I said thoughtfully. Momiji starting giggling and pointing over my shoulder.

"huh?" I said confused.

"Hmm, well I don't think I'm jerk." I heard a silky voice over my shoulder. My body stiffened so much that Haru and Kyo actually lifted a questioning eyebrow. My eyes glazed over, letting no emotion through. Ryou...he came in front of me almost pushing Momiji away.

"Can I talk to you for a minute." He whispered. I saw Momiji with shock in his eyes. He almost sent me a message through his eyes, saying 'You know him?' Once again the eyebrows went up. I didn't look Ryou in the eye...or at all. I didn't answer.

"Please, I just need to explain, just let me explain." He almost begged. He put his hands on my shoulder, and I cringed away. And he recoiled, a hurt look flash across his face, but I paid no attention to it. He looked down at my bag, it was bulging with heavy looking books, it was a burden to carry it all the way to school.

"I'm sorry, I have to get to umm..." I trailed off, I knew I was bad at lying, but wow. This puts me at a new level.

"Class?" Ryou helped out. I nodded and turned my back and walked. It hurt. It hurt to do that and the mean while reminiscing on the friendship, kinship we used to have. I felt like I was turning my back on everything I ever knew, but I couldn't walk far, for he grasped on to my uniform sleeve.

"Please, You don't realize what could happen if you don't get the proper help." He said, I almost winced, and he rose an eyebrow as everyone else was doing, oh god. Yuki and the others are still standing right there.

"Ah, I see." He smirked, I knew what he meant. The look he gave me told all, the look said, "ah, I see, they don't know, do they?"

I whirled on my heels and walked down the hall, forcing my self to walk at a reasonable pace, I was almost ready to bolt.

"See ya later Onigri!" He laughed as I walked off.

* * *

**Momiji's Point of View**

"What the hell just happened?" Kyo yelled at the new guy, Pushing him up against the wall. Not even Yuki tried to stop him, and Yuki was the President of the school. Actually Yuki looked just as mad as Kyo.

"Don't know what your talking about." this 'Ryou' person said cheekily. Haru, looked as if he was about to go black. We all cared about Tohru. She was one of us now, she was like an older sister, and it hurt all of us to see her like that.

"Fuck you!" Kyo said pushing him up against the wall more. I sank to the floor and huddled my knees close to my chest, leaning against the wall.

"How do you know her?" Yuki asked, in a cold calm way, that would have likely freeze the hearts of many.

"Aww, Can't see the resemblance?" The new guy was just so cheeky. I looked up at him confused.

"She doesn't have a brother!" I accused him of lying.

"Cousin." He smirked, I already didn't like this guy. Kyo and Yuki looked shocked. I was mouth open. Then out of no where, There was a large bang and crack. Just where Ryou's head was, was a large whole connected to Haru's fist.

"You better not be lying to us." Haru said comically. Ryou was fast, Too fast for an average guy we expected. Almost no one was able to dodge a punch from black Haru. Something was fishy about him. The new guy was already out of Kyo's grasp, and walking down the hall. He put up three fingers, and mouthed "Read between the lines."

"Shit!" Kyo cursed. Yuki looked dark. And Haru had already gone black I stood up.

"I want Tohru." I said tearing up.

* * *

**Tohru's Point of View**

On my way down the hallway I saw Uo and Hana running up to me. Uo was panting, and Hana was even worse. I looked on with concern.

"Are you guys okay?" I asked

"We need to tell you something!" Uo said straightening up.

"He's in the school..." I said sulllenly. Hana gasped, an expression she almost never used.

"So, you've heard I see..."

"No, I met him." I said, looking away.

"Tohru, we need to stay away from him, Somethings wrong with him, he's changed, believe me." Uo said in a matter of factl-y tone.

"Tohru, He's dangerous, You shouldn't be around him." Hana said, she sounded like an over protective mother.

"I know, Let's just forget about him, Like before, let's just forget again...please." I said looking down. I sort of didn't want to forget, I wanted to remember, I wanted things to go back to the way it was in eighth grade. The good times, but then again, I wouldn't have met the Sohmas.

"It's better that way." Hana said, We walked down the hallway in to our respective classes. But before I got to mine, Uo squeezed my hand for support and Hana hugged me.

"I don't want to remember..." I said sadly.

"We all don't, let's just try to get through the day." She said. Uo and Hana left and class had begun.

I wasn't able to talk to Kyo, Yuki, Momiji, or even Haru at all the whole day. I guess you could say I was almost avoiding them, or well I would've been avoiding them if I had seen them the whole day. But every now and then I thought I saw a whip of orange hair fly behind a wall, or a blonde little boy dash behind a group of taller people.

'Were they avoiding me?' I thought sadly, knowing that it was well a very likely possibility.

The end of the day came soon, I zoned out through everything. And before I knew it I was at the lockers packing up. I met up with Hana and Uo, but both had jobs to get to, For Uo her store clerk job, and for Hana, babysitting her brother. Then there was me, on my way to cleaning! Yay. I sighed, I still haven't seen any of the Sohmas at all. Maybe they're mad at me?

* * *

**Yuki's Point of View**

We'd been following her all day, trying to figure out what was happening, or to see if we could dig up anymore information. Uo and Hana looked like they knew exactly what was happening. And we didn't...I didn't like the thought that Tohru couldn't trust us with something. She's helped me, us, every Sohma more than she thought. I just wish she knew that.

"Momiji!" Haru hissed, Tohru had looked behind her again, and Momiji whisked out of view behind a group of people. We were pretty sure she knew someone was following her, but knowing her she didn't even give a second thought about it.

"So what do you make of it?" Haru asked me. I thought deeply.

"I'm not sure, but one thing for sure, She's either very uncomfortable around this 'Ryou' or she just actually hates him...I can't even think of Tohru hating anybody, much less anything." I said still thinking of other possibilities.

"I swear if that son of a gun did anything to her, I'll-" Kyo started, but then I gave him a pointed look and then glanced at Momiji. It seemed to shut him up.

* * *

**Tohru's Point of View**

I walked out of the school, still no sign of anyone. I walked across the street, and it was then when it happened. The coughing, spluttering, and crying. I gasped for air, feeling the burning pound in my chest and my face heating up. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't stand. I sank down to my knees right in the middle of the road. I coughed, It felt like something was blocking my lungs. It hurt...that's when I heard the honk of a horn getting pummeled rapidly, Then the headlight. I felt the silent tears stream down my face, coughs still taking over my voice.

'I'm so so sorry...' I thought, closing my eyes, slowly giving up, I couldn't move, I couldn't get up. The truck was out of control, as if sliding on ice. The pounding in my chest increased bringing on a new wave of pain as I cried out.

"TOHRU!" I heard a cry, **his** cry. 'I'm so so sorry...' I thought as the truck came into full view, only a few feet away until...Then right before it hit me, it happened, In one quick movement, he came into view, and pushed himself and me out of the way, at the last second. It took me a moment to realize what happened, the coughing still clogging my throat. I couldn't breathe...

The last thing I saw was Ryou's face clouded with worry, and Momiji crying over me. Yuki's horrified look, Kyo's shock, and Haru's sullen face.

"I'm so so sorry..." I said, before the blackness took over.

* * *

P**LEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE REVIEW! lOl, I love feedback.**


	5. Four: Does'th Thou LikeLike?

_Sometimes_ the person

that you really** need**

is the one person

you **never** actually

_longed_ for

* * *

**Chapter Four: Does'th Thou Like-Like?**

"huh...?" I woke up to a room crowded with people, though the faces I couldn't make out. It felt like it was part of my bad dream. All the faces, the angry faces, the sneering faces, the faces that wouldn't leave me alone at night. 

"Make the faces...stop..." I said groggily, my vision becoming clearer, and th faces that I thought were still part of my dream turned into those of worry and concern. I tried to sit up, but then a voice stopped me.

"Don't even think about getting up." It was Hatori's doctor-like voice, I looked around the room again. It felt like everyone was here, Uo, Hana, Momiji, Kyo, Yuki, Haru, Shigure, Kagura, Kisa, and even to my great surprise Hiro.

"What happened?" I asked, still feeling a little faint, and tired in the arms, I turned my head to look at each face.

* * *

_**Flash Back**_

**Haru's Point of View**

_What the hell just happened? There was Tohru, lying in that bastard's arms, she was unconscious. The black Haru inside of me bubbled, and felt like it was about to burst through. I clenched and unclenched my hands in sort of a mantra to calm me down. Yuki was the first one to get back from the shock, as he ran over to her side with a dreadful look on his face. Me next, then Kyo, the stupid one, last._

_Kyo got there first although, and punched Ryou aside, I ran over to Tohru as Yuki cradled her as much as he could without turning. Momiji started crying, sinking to his knees._

"_What do I do?" Yuki asked panicked. My gaze fell upon the monster. Ryou. That's when Black Haru burst. I felt raging hate course through my blood as I looked at him, I rushed over to him and kicked him hard in the gut, but then I heard her voice..._

"_I'm so sorry..." I gasped, what was she to be sorry of? I ran over to her and took her and hugged her transforming. Yuki gasped, and I quickly explained. Momiji stopped crying long enough to give me a suspicious look._

"_I'll carry her on my back, hurry we don't have time to gawk like an idiot." I said coldly, the Black haru wasn't very nice I cringed. _

"_Come on stupid cat!" I shouted out. We were all worried, but since being Black Haru just made it all worse by ten fold._

"_Will you shut the fuck up!" Kyo said, carefully laying Tohru on my back. _

_We made the trip to the Main House, despite Akito. Tohru was what mattered now. The trip was almost unbearable, between Kyo curses as he was the one who had to carry Tohru's 'Cousin' since I knocked him out, Momiji's crying, and Yuki's tense silence he had going on._

_Hatori let us in, even without word, to my surprise and to my bigger surprise, Akito was standing right there as we led Tohru into one of the hospital like rooms of the Sohma's Main house. Akito didn't even look at us, just stood there like nothing was really happening. Except for that cruel smirk on his face. As if he enjoyed it all. That bastard. Of course we couldn't say that out loud, but...he was and always would be._

_We left Tohru in Hatori's care while we phoned everyone else to fill them in. Everything was quiet, except for the random off time clock chime. Momiji still hadn't calmed down, but at least I wasn't Black Haru anymore. Then Momiji stopped crying and looked at me, the suspicious look from before back. I turned my back to him, still counting the ceiling tiles._

"_You were calmed down by her voice. And before. You turned black just because of what the guy said in the hallway." Momiji looked accusingly at me, and I turned around._

"_What's it to you?" I asked, keeping the even-ness in my voice._

"_You like- like her." _

"_I have never heard such a childish thing ever before."_

"_Well then just tell me I'm wrong then."_

_I stayed quiet for a second or two before I regained my talking abilities. _

"_Wouldn't you like to know." Was it true? Did I 'like like' Tohru? I shook my head. It was impossible, no Sohma was ever meant to be loved. We were so different. Yet, this girl does. I smiled at the thought, then again she was also a very clumsy and foolish girl sometimes too. I almost mentally slapped my self. I was thinking about her. And I almost groaned. If Kyo and Yuki found out anything, that's the end. It's almost so painfully obvious they 'like-like' her too. _

_'It would never work out.' I thought sullenly._

_

* * *

_

_**Present**_

"You walked in front of a truck, idiot." I heard Hiro mutter, but there was no venom in his voice, it made me wonder if even a little part of him was worried. It at least made me smile. Then I remembered myself. 'Ah, that means they know about my secret...' I thought to my self, almost defeated.

"What exactly did you think you were doing?" Came Uo's voice, she was worried, yet stern at the same time, and I just sheepishly smiled back.

"It is very dangerous Tohru, he said you just started day dreaming in the middle of the street." Hana said in a motherly tone. I loves them so much. 'wait...day dreaming? I wasn't day dreaming! I practically heeled over in the middle of the street..' I thought. Ah, I see, they don't know the truth, only Ryou really saw what happened...Ryou...

"How did I get here though?" I asked, looking around again. Momiji pointed to Haru.

"He carried you all the way here like you guys did to Yuki once!" Momiji exclaimed with a smile and a wink. My face heated up again, and I looked down at my hands, Haru wasn't looking in my direction either.

"Thank goodness our little flower isn't hurt! Why, The great tragedy! As we huddle over our poor Tohru, there might be a pain that even we don't know! Gasp! When I think of su-" Shigure went off into his own little world but soon to be ended by Kagura. Who was raving mad right behind the young writer.

"What was that?" There was a fire in her eyes, and her hand was already ready to swipe, when I began to laugh, but my laugh was soon followed after by labored breathes, and the eyes came back to meet mine.

"Sissy?" I heard a small voice ask from next to me, and I turned to look at Kisa's large honey colored eyes.

"Yup?" I asked, she was the cutest little thing I've ever seen.

"Are you going to be okay?" She asked worriedly, then I felt the immense wave of guilt for making them worry so much.

"I already feel one hundred percent better!" I said flashing them all a smile...then the thought hit me.

"Where's Ryou?" I asked, not really sure if I wanted to know where he was at all. Kyo and Yuki's eyes almost narrowed at once, even Haru looked suspicious. No one said anything for a few moments, and a sudden fear came to me...did he get hit instead? I couldn't live knowing someone died because of me..

"He said he shouldn't come in yet." Shigure said in a serious voice. My guess would be that Uo and Hana were in the same room, but I wasn't sure. We were all still friends...right? Well...guess not so much on his part anymore at least.

"Oh, okay." I said, beaming back a smile up to them.

"Okay, I need to check up on Tohru now, Everyone say goodbye for now." Hatori said, breaking the silence. Kisa and Kagura hugged me tightly.

"oOo, Hatori wants to be with Tohru...alone." Shigure stressed the word 'alone' with little quotation mark fingers and a wink. I felt my face boil, and Haru, started to clench his hands. I looked up at him, and he just turned away, but if I didn't know any better I'd think that that was a blush on his face. Odd, but then again at the same time, I blushed again too.

"You sick pervert." "Dam old pedophile." And those comments came from none other than Yuki and Kyo, heads pointed down, eyes covered with their hair as they dragged out Shigure by the arms.

Haru hung back a little, waiting to be the last person to leave the room, then finally turned around, this was my last chance to thank him.

"Hatsuhara, Wait!" I asked, trying to sit up, but one commanding look from Dr. Hatori sent me straight down, but I was able to stop Haru.

"I want to thank you! Thank you so so much! I don't even know what to say with out rambling." I said fidgeting with the bed sheets. He turned around facing the door so I couldn't see his face, but I heard him say something.

"Say you'll get better soon." It was so soft that you could almost not hear it, but I did.

"Promise." I said smiling, and he turned back to me and smiled back, then left. I don't know why, but I just stared at the door after he left, feeling the color return back to my cheeks. 'Ugh...great.' I thought to myself shaking my head.

"We have to talk." Hatori said immediately after the door was closed. And I looked at him. He was doctor, He knew what what going on now. I sighed.

"You didn't tell the others." I said sullenly. I was happy that he didn't, but I knew he would.

"After I gave to a check up, I found out. Hiro must've known I would find out because afterwards he told me not to say anything yet, or at least until I talked to you." He said slowly, Well, I guess I'll have to thank Hiro too. That was unexpected, but hey, I was grateful.

"Can you..umm, not tell them at all?" I asked lamely, knowing the answer already.

"They'll eventually have to find out. My theory is, that you didn't walk out in front of a truck, did you?" He asked. I shook my head no.

"You had an attack on the street."

"Yes." I said, looking down at my hands.

"They'll need to know about things like this, If it happens again, so they know what to do." He said, he was always thinking ahead, but heck, would there even still be a future for me?

"Always thinking ahead of time I see...Hatori?"

"Yes?" I hesitated before asking my question, I needed to know now. That was the first time in a long time that I've had an attack that serious, something big was coming.

"How much longer?" I asked softly, merely above a whisper. Hatori didn't need explaining of the question. He just stared at me, looking me straight in the eyes.

"I don't know...You'll have to get tested in the hospital to find that out." He said, but then I remembered I already had been tested, a few weeks before mom...

"I have been." Hatori looked surprised, not something you get to see often.

"There should have been a letter sent home, or a phone call, to tell you when." He said evenly, calmly.

"I see..." that would've been impossible, for my house no longer exists, Tohru Honda didn't live with her real family anymore. I felt defeated. Now, I would never know, It could happen at any moment. What if it happened tomorrow? I'll never have driven a car, gotten through high school, gotten married, never held a child. Never. Tears welled up in my eyes, and I quickly rubbed them away, and kept on rubbing, rubbing till me eyes ran red raw. Hatori got up, and indicated to the door.

"Would you like me to send for your cousin now?" He asked, He sounded stoic, but I knew better.

"Yeah.." I said, laying back down. The panic gone, but the heartache back. Just a few moments later I was alone again, but then the door opened again. He walked in, his dark hair tousled hair, almost as if he'd been in a fight. He had a slight limp, as if he's been hurt, an arm cradling his stomach, and I raised an eyebrow.

He caught my eye and laughed it off. "Just a little fight." He said. I looked away, but his piercing green eyes caught my gaze again.

"We have to talk, now." He said seriously, sitting down on the chair Hatori was on.

"I guess we do." I said back evenly. I sighed, looking through the window to the outside, the snow fall had returned and I smiled at the memories it brought back. I looked back at Ryou.

"I'm ready." I said, unclenching my hands from the bed sheets, ready to hear what he had to say. Ready to face the world. Ready to face what I always knew was going to happen.

* * *

**REVIEW OR DIE**, lol, jking, the **STORY** will die if you dont. **HAH! **Got ya there. Anyway, so I guess most of you noticed that this M**IGHT** be a Haru/Tohru thing going on here. **REVIEW. **  



	6. Five: One of the God Forsaken

**Sometimes** things happen in our lives  
that tear us **apart** inside,  
but if we don't learn to look **past** them  
and see the sun _shining_ above the clouds,  
we will forever be standing in the **rain**.

* * *

**Chapter Five: One of the Forsaken**

**  
**

I looked at him, If he tried so hard to try to talk to me, why was he stalling now? He just sat there on the stiff metal chair, hands folded, looking down at the ground. I sat up a little and studied him. It was the first time I actually decided to get a good look of him. His hair was still the dark color, almost jet black, as when we were little kids, He was still taller than me by at least a head, or maybe Kyo's height. He was basically what I'd always imagine him to grow up to be, but then he looked up and I saw his eyes.

Yes, they were still the same piercing color of a shocking green, but they were different. He was different. Instead of the cocky arrogance they've held for years, was now replaced by a sad haunted look. And I could only wonder why he looked that way. He just looked at me, didn't talk at all. The silence stretched out till I couldn't bear it. Then I got fed up. I took my index finger brought it up to his face. And poked his nose.

He looked surprised as I pushed his head up to look me dead straight in the eyes.

"You've obviously tried very hard to get my attention." I said, finger still poking his nose. He just nodded.

"Now you have it. What do you want?" I asked. Taking my finger off his face, his face fell back to looking at the ground, and I just sighed. And looked at the window. The snow had built up, almost blizzard-like. It was hard to see any thing outside, just a mass of constantly moving white flakes.

But then I felt something drop on my lap. I looked down and there was an envelope, It had obviously already been opened, but the letter was still inside. I looked questioningly at Ryou, and he just stared out the window.

"Read it..." Was all he said. I gingerly held the envelope, at first just staring at it, then taking out the letter. My heart almost stopped when I saw the insignia on the top of the letter. It was the hospital's symbol there. And I instantly knew what it was. I didn't read any of the letter yet, fearing what it would say. I looked back up at Ryou.

"How did you get this?" I asked, just really trying to stall from reading it.

He looked me in the eye, and I saw the sadness in them again. "Last year, I tried to get it to you earlier, but things came in the way, you know...family." He said. 'Ahh, I see, family. The one that practically fought over who had to take me in. nobody wanted a sick girl living with them. Nobody.' I thought to myself, the sneering faces entering my mind again. I shook them out though, before the waterfall came.

I looked back down at my lap, and held the letters in my hands again. 'here we go...' I thought sullenly, as I read the letter, it was short and too the point, but the couple of sentences that were on the paper, confirmed my fears.

**Miss Tohru Honda  
Kaibara High School  
213 Chuio Dori  
Tokyo, Japan.**

**Dear Miss Tohru Honda:**

**It has come to our conclusion, that you, Tohru Honda, has taken testing at the Kyoto University Hospital a few weeks earlier. We are sorry to respond your test have proved to be valid. You have indeed been diagnosed with Coronary Artery Heart Disease. We are sorry to inform you this news, but since the circumstances, it is best we discuss this now. Since you are only a mere 16 years old, young heart, and genes, Your life span will only stretch two more years at most. We are sorry to inform you this. You only have about an estimated time of two more years. Contact us for any more information.**

**Sincerely,**

**Souji Aramaki M.D.**

'No, No, No...' I thought in my head, one hand holding the letter, the other clutching at my head, keeping my head somewhat up as I leaned over my lap, crumpling the letter in my hand. Tears were streaming down my face.

"No..." I softly whispered, voice too choked up by tears to continue on. It says two more years...although, this was sent a year ago already...One more year...or less. That new thought brought on a new wave of fresh tears. I sat up right again, struggling the chokes of tears in my throat. Not even bothering to wipe away the tears that still on. I huffed every once and a while from overload of tears.

Then I felt arms wrap around my in a brotherly supportive hug. "Shhhh..stop crying...please." he softly whispered. Nothing he said would help, it just made me cry harder, thinking about all the things I'd never get to do, things I'd never get to see, all the other things too. Never see Momiji grow up, Never see Kagura and Kyo finally together, Never see Yuki's secret base again, Never see Haru's true smile...wait...what? My chest heaved and huffed, once again choking on sobs.

I straightened up. Out of nowhere the new found sensation, this sensation was...denial. The tears were still streaming down, but I refused to believe it. I refused I was that girl, that girl they were talking about, that girl who was dying. It wasn't me, I wouldn't believe it. Couldn't in fact. I threw the paper back at his face, and watched him as he just sat, there, as if he knew this was going to happen, he just sat back and watched me.

My body started shaking, I'm not sure from the pure shock or...fear.

Ryou just sat back watching me, he looked far away, as if he'd been expecting this all along. As if he was replaying a memory to see what I'd do next.

* * *

_**Flash Back**_

**Ryou's Point of View**

The Sohma family was all in there. Except for me. Hew blood family waiting out here. How considerate. But there was another Sohma who wasn't in there, he didn't look like he cared either, it was like he was just doing something that he did everyday, just sitting on the porch of the inner courthouse, almost nearby where I was standing. We said nothing, and neither of us acknowledged each other.

Then one by one, each of the Sohma's came out, they generally passed by me trying to look for another escape route, not sure if they were trying to avoid me or the 18 year old looking boy to my right. Looking at least a little more relaxed, the last one that came out made my eyebrow raise. The last one was the one with oddly white black hair. It wasn't the hair that caught my attention. It was the blush left on his face. He turned around quickly when he noticed I was looking, and stalked off in another direction.

Then after a few more minutes the doctor Sohma came back. He looked at me for a few moments before coming up to me. I faced him, and he started talking all this nonsense that I couldn't understand. He talked for a few more minutes, and I just stared at him, spluttering out all these doctor-like terms that I very much well couldn't understand.

"Do you understand?" His cold eyes bore into mine.

"I missed one thing though." I said, my cocky-ness was really a bad habit.

"Which part then?" The doctor didn't seem to find anything he said the least bit funny.

"It was a little after the beginning, but before the end." I said cheekily. I didn't receive a laugh, much less a smile, just a cold stare. I had already showed him the letter from the hospital earlier when we brought Tohru into the house. So he already knew. He was going to find out anyway.

"This is no laughing matter."

"Don't you even dare tell me that, I know it's not." I said evenly. But he just went back to business..

"When you tell her, She's going to react in Stages. First Denial, Anger, then Depression, finally...Acceptance. That's how patients normally respond to it. Although they might come all in once, or they may be stretched out for periods of time, I don't know, since her being such a young age, it's more likely to fly right by to the acceptance in a matter of hours...or only a mere five minutes." He said, and turned around so that he didn't face me.

I heard a movement from behind me, and I knew the other guy had gotten up, but he was just standing there. I knew he heard every bit of what we were saying. And he knows now, like the rest of the Sohmas to find out.

"She wants to see you now." was the last thing he said before walking down the hallway the others left in.

* * *

**Present**

"Don't be angry..." I heard him say, barely above a whisper, but I heard it loud and clear, if only he hadn't said that. Because now...I was. Angry, hateful, horrified at myself. I hated that I was one of them, one of the forsaken. One of the God Forsaken. I had known that all along, but now was the first time I've thought about it in a while. I was angry that it had to be me, There were thousands of hundreds of people in the world, so why me? Who got to decide who got sick or not? Oh yeah, that's God. Hah, I finally get it. God Forsaken, tossed away by God.

My hands clenched at the bed sheet, then I shouted, something I almost haven't done it years. I screamed like no before. It wasn't a frightened scream, it was one of a pained loss, one of anger. I could heard footsteps gathering outside the door and whispering, but I could tell that Hatori told them not to come in no matter what. Thank go- oh wait. God forsaken shouldn't thank..

I stopped screaming, and then the ragged breathes came from all that loss of air.

"Why did it have to be me!" I shouted at Ryou. I know it wasn't his fault...but...he was just there. The tears still ran freely while I yelled. I haven't let this out emotion in years, Kyo would be proud, worried, but proud. Ryou said nothing.

"I hate you! I hate everything!" I said hands clutching to my head, I knew I didn't mean a word of what I said, but I just had to say something, I had to find away to make it stop. Maybe if I yelled at it enough, it might go away. It grew quite outside the doors, but I could see their shadows cast upon the thin rice walls. Ryou still said nothing.

"You don't know what it's like to be one of the Forsaken ones! You don't know how it feels like to be abandoned by god! You just don't know!" I screamed again, almost pulling at my hair, but my hands were at my eyes to stop the spillage.

"You don't know what it's like hearing the words 'Oh, look! She's one of the God Forsaken!' HAH!" I shouted, but then...the anger dissolved into a heap of nothing. I had finally lost steam. Ryou looked at last. Realizing I had run out of voice. He still held the lost look in his eyes, the cold haunted eyes. And I realized that he, all along had been waiting for this moment, it was haunting him to know that I was going to act this way.

"I'm sorry...I don't know what I can do-" He started trying to help me, but I would have none of it.

"There's nothing you can do.." I said dejectedly, looking outside the window again, the snow had calmed, much like my emotions, but now...there were no emotions, I felt set apart. Marked by death. I felt horrible...ah, so this is depression. I felt so alone. Alone, yet alive.

"I'm sorry, I really am..." He said, getting up from the chair, looking at me one more time, then walking out the door. I didn't look at him at all, I kept my eyes fixated on the window, trying to watching each individual flake fall down to the ground. Impossible, yet time consuming, but then again most impossible things are time consuming.

There was no more sound, the footsteps seemed to be shooed away for now, but I knew they'd be back. I sighed. I still felt angry. Angry that it had to be me. My head snapped up as I heard movement by the door. The figure came near to the foot of the bed, It's head was downcast so I couldn't see who it was. But then I saw, oh, I saw indeed.

It was none other than Akito, dressed in his usual kimono, just staring back at me. He had the same look I must have had in my eyes. Anger, Acceptance, Denial, yet...there was the grief. He just stood there looking. There was no longer any hate left in his eyes. But I knew he didn't exactly fawn over me either.

"I know what it's like." he said, I felt a tiny stab of fear, hearing him talk. The first time we met at the main house, it wasn't exactly nice, but when he said that. I wondered what he was talking about.

"how what's like?" I asked, still feeling the depression seeping through my veins.

"To be one of the forsaken by god, tossed aside." Was all he said before walking out leaving the door opened behind him. And then it hit me...Akito...he was dying too. He knew exactly what I was feeling. He's held the same burden I've had. He'd known what it was like to have people wait for your death by your own family, he knows what it's like being sick for life, he knows what it's like to know that your going to...die. And soon.

I don't know why, but with the man who struck fear and hate in the hearts of his family, but I felt a slight sort of kinship with him a new bond. I don't know if he felt any of that, but then again, why would he say those words for no reason? And I knew for a fact that Akito never did anything without a reason, no matter how unseemly or crazed it might seem.

"Sissy?" I heard a call from the open door. It was Kisa with Hiro, Kagura, and Momiji. I felt guilt and sadness welt into my heart. Almost like a burn that always seemed to permanently stay there. I wiped at my eyes, shaking off the clinging tears, and trying to at least make my face presentable.

"Hey guys..." I said lamely, the sadness almost overwhelmed me. They came closer to the bed.

"We know now." Momiji said, his eyes were filled with fresh tears, as he ran up to me and hugged me, not even caring about the poof of smoke, and transformed into his little bunny form in my arms. I almost found the will to giggle at his antics...almost.

"I don't want sissy to die." Kisa said already tearing up, she came over onto the bed and hugged me too, I turned to look at Hiro with an upturned eyebrow, he just blushed and looked away, I knew for a fact that it wasn't a crush sort of blush, but an i don't know what to say but I should any way sort of blush.

"Don't make it that easy for me to get rid of you...stupid girl." He almost forgot the stupid girl remark at the end, and I did smile, I smiled because I had them to care about me, not only them but the whole Sohma family...somewhat.

"Your the best friend I've ever had...don't leave." Kagura said, squeezing me, Momiji and Kisa in one of her big boar hugs.

"When Yuki and Kyo found out, they were shocked, horrified! Even more so than we were, they both stalked off angrily at Hatori, they still think he's lying about it. Please Tohru! Please! Tell us it really is a lie!" Momiji exclaimed, then all of them turned their hopeful eyes to me, and I silently shook my head.

"I can't lie to you guys, not ever." I said, and the hugs tightened, and I felt the tears well up in my eyes again. I didn't want to leave, I didn't want to say goodbye, I never do. I want to get old and wrinkly. I want to get old and have grandkids. I want all of that. I want to feel what it's like to hold a diploma, I want to know what it's like to get your first kiss, I want all of those things. All of it, even the heartaches that came along with it.

"Haru actually turned Black on Hatori for even saying it!" Momiji exclaimed again. Apparently it was big news.

"Really?" I asked surprised, I mean, sure I did kinda well...yeah..I did like him...a lot. But what does it matter now? It's too late for me now. I couldn't even call him by his nickname, I wasn't even sure if I was allowed to. I just always call him Hatsuhara-san.

"Yeah! He got so mad, he stalked out the house, like the other two, he's in denial..." Momiji said quieting down. Then Hatori came in.

"Tohru...I'm sorry." I was almost taken aback! Hatori, was saying sorry? It's not that I thought he never did say sorry, but it's just so weird coming from him.

"No no, I'm find now, I've calmed down." I said, with a sigh, hugging all my friends closer.

"You can get up whenever you want now. We just need you to take it slow, no caring anything heavy or big, no running, don't do anything to over exert yourself." He said back in his professional voice.

I heard Kisa giggle to my left and Momiji in the bunny form smirk, "He cares about you to Tohru! But Hatori-san just doesn't know how to show it." he said giggling too.

"Thank you Hatori-san." I said, actually smiling. I loved these people, these people were my family. And I cared about them as much as they do for me.

"Come on now kids, Let's give Tohru time to get changed and rest awhile." Hatori said, but on the way out Momiji asked out loud.

"Hey, is Haru back yet?" He asked, I turned my head sharply to look for an answer from Hatori, to my extreme bad luck, Hatori saw, and I blushed. Great. Now he's suspicious.

"No, I think he might actually me lost again. Last time it took three days, i can only imagine now." He said shaking his head, saying the answer loudly enough so that I would definitely be able to hear.

When they were gone, I slowly got up, I felt like I was being babied again, but this time, I knew it was out of pure care. And I was glad. I changed into the clothes they must've brought from Shigure's house. I changed into the dark washed jeans and long sleeved sweater. And as I walked out of the door, I had only one thing in mind, I had now found two missions:

A. Find Kyo, Yuki, and Haru and talk to them.

B. Live life to the best of my ability, **no matter what**.

* * *

YAY REVIEW IF YOU LOVE ME! ACtually no. REVIEW IF YOU WANT ME TO UPDATE! HAH gotcha there. xP 


	7. Six: Free to Live

**life**'s like a book  
each _page_ is different **&**  
you control the _pen_

* * *

**Chapter Six: I Am Free**

The Sohma house was pretty empty and not to mention quiet. The only other person I saw in the main house were skittish servant's who eyed me as I walked along the hallways. I guess you could say I was lost. Right after Momiji, Hiro, Kisa, Kagura, and Hatori went off to their own houses in the compound I was left alone. I guess it was stupid not asking for directions, but I never really thought of how big one house could be. And believe me, that was my downfall. But to my great luck, there was Uo and Hana, standing on the porch to another one of the courtyards.

"Uo! Hana!" I said happily jogging up to them. They both warily enveloped me in hugs, they both looked concerned.

"What?" I asked curiously.

"Should you really be running?" Uo said poking my shoulder. Hmm...well I guess I wasn't, but what Dr. Hatori didn't know won't kill him. Ack. I almost winced at my own thought, it wouldn't kill him, but it could to me...

"Umm, I see your point." I said, shamefully looking at the ground. And when I looked up, tears were shining in their eyes, and I remembered. They knew too.

"Why didn't you tell us?" Hana said softly, looking me straight in the eye, and I almost couldn't bear it, so I looked down at my fidgeting feet.

"Umm, well, I couldn't-" I started,

"No, you mean you wouldn't." Uo snorted, guess I deserved that.

"It's just that you guys worry so much about me already, and I...didn't want to give you guys anymore of a reason to worry." I said quietly. Keeping my head down, not daring to look into their eyes. Then I felt two pairs of arms wrap around me pulling me close to them, and I started to cry.

"Shh, Tohru, we both love you very much, we just don't like to see you hurt." Hana said, smoothing my hair down.

"Besides, even if you didn't tell us, we would've still worried about you." Uo said, seconding Hana. They let me, go and my crying eased down into a soft sniffle.

"Thanks." I said, wiping at my nose a little, then I remembered something.

"ohmigosh! I need to find the others!" I quickly hugged both of them, and ran off again, I could almost hear Uo shouting something after me about running.

I ran all around the compounds of the Main House, not finding the people I was looking for, but then I saw Yuki. He was just standing there, in the snow, He must've been standing there for a while, because he was already covered in a thin sheet of snow. He was just standing in front of the little pond. Looking at it, but not really seeing it. Quietly I moved to stand next to him, if he knew I had come, he didn't make an acknowledgment, and I didn't either. We just both stood there.

He was the first one to break the silence though, "Miss Honda?" He asked questioningly, still not looking at me. I didn't turn my head to look at him either, "Yuki."

"It's true isn't it..." He said softly, just above a whisper. I didn't answer him, though I think he understood.

"I'm sorry." Was all he said, I quickly took a step toward him, looking at him this time, and I was able to catch his eye, he turned to face me, his eyes sad and forlorn ed.

"Don't be. I knew this was going to happen. I've had a long time to accept my life." I said, trying to sound as sincere as I could, but the truth was, I didn't. I didn't accept my fate at all, not in the least. I don't want to be like this. I don't want to be that weak little girl anymore, I didn't want to hear people say, "Oh, that poor girl." not anymore, I wouldn't take it.

"But you don't accept it." Yuki said. It wasn't a question at all, he was making a statement. He looked haunted, as if this wasn't the first time that someone close to him bit the bullet. I smiled a sad smile, looking away from him again, into the little pond. That's when I saw it. The pure white birds, they almost looked like miniature doves. They looked so pure, so innocent, free of any sin. They were Akito's if I had remembered correctly.

I could see why he would've wanted creatures like that around. Just by looking at the birds, they reminded me of a time when nothing was wrong. When everything was fixed with a hug and a kiss. Such pure innocence, the kind of innocence we all lost when we've grown up.

"No human could ever compare to them." I said, looking at the birds, Yuki's eyes filled with confusion following my gaze to the birds. I crouched down and just stayed like that, still looking out to the other side of the ponds where the birds fluttered.

"What do you mean by that?" He asked quietly. I smiled softly again, now looking at him.

"They are without sin, innocence of a child, something that all people have forgotten ever existed." I whispered, more to myself than to him. Then I heard him kneel down next to me, getting the knees of his pants wet with snow. And with one quick movement, he put his arms around me in a fierce hug. And not a second later the loud pop filled my ears, and I held up the tiny rat. And It truly made me laugh.

"I'm so sorry Miss Honda." He said, a flush filing his fur covered cheeks.

"Don't worry about it. Let's get you into the house. You look cold." I said, observing the tiny flakes sticking onto his fur, I put him on my shoulder, since I didn't have a coat or pocket to fit him in. and ran into the house.

"Miss Honda! You shouldn't be running." I know he was just concerned about me, but it just made me run faster into the house, I did it half-ly because it was freezing outside, and half-ly because I just wanted to prove a point, and that point was that nothing would change just because of my condition.

When we got into the house, people looked, we must've looked a sight, my hair windblown, my thin sweater sticking close to my skin because of the show melting on me, and a rat on my shoulder. Momiji and Kisa greeted me. I would've hugged them, but I didn't want to get them wet, and for that same reason, I didn't step into the house, I just placed Yuki down on the porch.

"Hey! I found one of them." I said, proudly pointing to Yuki, the smile on my face felt fake, not like the ones I used to smile before. Thinking back on it, those might have been a little fake too. Who could ever be truly happy knowing that you were sick? No one, that's who.

"Tohru's back! YaY!" Momiji cried, he was still a bunny, thanks to me. Kisa smiled at me.

"Now, for Kyo! Have you guys seen him around?" I asked, bending down to meet Kisa's gaze.

"He got mad when he heard about you sissy." She said, and Momiji added to that, "You shoulda seen the smoke coming out of his ears."

"Oh..." I said softly, my smile wavering a bit.

"The cat always goes to sulk on roofs." Yuki said, slowly shaking him save dry.

"Thanks! I'll be back in a few!" I said, running around the compound for a hill or something to stand on to see the tops. I didn't know why I ran, I was never good a running, never. I didn't like running either. But now...I felt that if I ran, that it would be the same as defying all those who thought that I was a sickly girl who couldn't do anything. I felt that it would prove that I wasn't so sick at all...but it didn't.

I spotted a bench along the brick walls that surrounded the main house. I stood on it, scanning the roofs for anything orange, and sure enough there it was. Just lying there, looking up to the sky. I ran over to the house and circled it trying to find a ladder of some sorts. Finding none, I assumed he jumped...The Sohma's were just too amazing I thought wearily.

"Kyo?" I called up, nothing happened, I heard no movement what so ever, nobody calling back down to me. 'Maybe he's asleep?' I thought to myself.

"Kyo!" I tried shouting a little louder, still to no avail. I huffed a little, and started shivering in the light breeze of snow. But I didn't dare give up yet. 'I will get to talk to all of them' I thought fiercely, and with a new found determination I walked up to the house, and grabbed hold of the little bricks or pieces of wood that stuck out of the house, and I just them as foot holds, trying to climb up.

It took a long time, and my finger nails were already long broken and a little bloody. But I still pushed on. There! I thought as one of my hands reached the roof. Then my other hand got a hold of it too. I was about to pull myself up, but then, The piece of wood from under me broke off, leaving me suspended in the air.

"Ahh!" I screamed out, hoping someone would hear me. The adrenaline pulsed through my body, along with the fear. And to my great relief, I heard a rustle from above, and saw hands effortlessly pull me up from the ledge. It was Kyo. Totally awake. And not to mention a little angry looking. He eyes looked sad, haunted, and last but definitely not least, pissed off.

"Umm...Hi Kyo!" I said blushing. He set me down on my feet, and looked like he was ready to yell.

"What the hell do you think you were doing?" He shouted, and I winced back, okay I deserved that too.

"Umm..see I wanted t-"

"Do you know what could've happened if no one was up here!"

"But I sa-"

"That's besides the point! Plus, there's no way I'm letting you die until your old and wrinkly married with several damn kids, got that!" He continued, then realizing what he said, he sat down, flushed, and just said, "keh."

"Oh Kyo..." I said sadly, I wouldn't die old. I wouldn't be surrounded on my deathbed with grandkids beside me, I wouldn't be married.

"Tell me it's a lie. Tell me that they're all wrong. Tell me that they're all a bunch of bullshitters." He said, looking me in the eye, the same fierce determination I held in my eyes to climb the house was in his eyes. I couldn't lie to him. I couldn't. So I didn't say anything, but I sat down next to him, the roof we were on was one of the biggest. You could see the tops of the other houses, the school, and even the mall from up here. When you were up higher, you see things at a different perspective.

While I was up here, I felt like I could do anything, anything. Even escape death. I felt like I could touch the sky, taste the clouds, see into heaven. Up here, I didn't feel so depressed. I didn't feel like the world was about to crumble around me. I felt free.

"Oh Kyo..." I repeated again. I couldn't tell him it was true, but I couldn't bring myself to lie either. I caught a glimpse of my hands. My nails were all broken and bleeding. I put them under my knees, so that Kyo wouldn't see.

"Dammit! Don't 'oh Kyo' me! They're lying I know it!" He said suddenly standing up, stomping his foot on the roof in such fury. I just continued to sit and stare out into the horizon. Nothing I said would change what he thought. So I stopped. And just stared.

"I love being up here, well I guess not here here, but up high." I said, Kyo calmed a little sitting down again.

"Why?" was all he asked, he didn't say anything more about my condition, how it was a lie, but I could read it in his face, he truly did believe it. I smiled sadly, I seemed to be doing this a lot now.

"Because I feel free, I feel relieved, content, it's almost as if time wasn't anymore than just numbers on a dial. I feel free. Of everything, of life's worries, pain, suffering. Just free." I said with such exhilaration, that I could feel the twinkle in my eyes, Somewhere during what I said, I stood up, looking up to the sky. The sheer white of it almost blinding me.

I started spinning in circles, but since the roof was sort of slanted, I did it slowly, arms spread out wide, pretending to be on the the innocent white doves, although knowing that I could never be. I just spun and spun, looking at the world rush past me.

"Well, we could always go up on the roof at Shigure's! We'll go every night, with Kisa and Momiji, everyone and look at the stars! Yeah! That's what we'll do. Then later, when we all get old and weird looking, we'll pass it on to other kids!" He stood up, one fist in the sky. I sighed softly. There was no getting through to him. He would never accept the fact that after this year is up, there wouldn't be another Honda.

"Yeah..." I whispered to the sky. I didn't dare pray to God. For, what could he do? Didn't he make me like this? Besides, the forsaken don't pray. They suffer. Akito must've realized that long ago.

"Let's go inside, It's freezing." He said brushing snow off of his coat, It was pointless with me, my sweater was already soaked through, and I didn't bother with a coat. It was freezing and sticking to my body, but I only had one more person to go.

"Lets." I followed Kyo down the stairs into the warm house, I felt bad about wetting the wood, but It was nice to be in a warm place. I stopped before the door, and Kyo looked at me questioningly.

"I have one more person to see." I said, smiling and without warning running out of the house leaving Kyo bewildered and sure enough pissed. I ran around the houses, weaving in between each one, looking for him. Haru. The last person on my list. After combing the grounds, shivering all the while through, I finally came to the conclusion that he was no longer near the Main House. I sighed. And sat down on one of the benches again.

I looked down at my hands, They were cut, broken finger names, bleeding hangnails, but I didn't care. I still needed to find him. My sweater stuck to my body, making it uncomfortable to move, but I needed to go on. To prove to myself that I was alright.

I quietly got up and moved toward the gate. Taking one last look at the Main House, I saw Akito, hanging from his window, like the first time I ever saw him at the Main House. He didn't say anything, just stared at me, and I stared back. I was no longer afraid of him. I bowed down in respect, then when I got back up I saw him standing inside now. Still looking at me. Then I saw him mouth something. Something that looked like "We Are Forsaken." And we were. I turned away and ran into the sidewalk, looking left and right before crossing the street..

I ran up and down the streets, seeing faces, but not really paying attention, just looking out for the boy with snowy white hair. Then I began stopping people in the streets, asking about him. And they all pointed in one direction, they all commented how it was hard not to see him. He was strange indeed, two different colors of hair, tall and lean, bad boy aura all over him, although deep down inside he really wasn't.

They all pointed to the abandoned park. It once used to be a beautiful place. Now it was just rubble. The picnic tables and benches burned black and broken in half, the trees twisted dead, but all the same while beautiful in it's own eerie way. The children's play set, swings and all, were burned black too, fragile looking. The only thing that was still remarkable about this place was the lake. The lake was humongous. It was still as big and beautiful as it had always been. Sparkling waters, frozen over with this ice, next to the hills covered in snow.

That's when I saw him, lying down on the hill, much as I had seen him the first time I met him, although this time I didn't mistake him for an old man. I felt rooted to the spot. This wouldn't be as easy as I though. I didn't' even know a quarter of the things I wanted to say, and I didn't even know how he would react. But I felt the need. The need to feel his arms around me, although knowing it couldn't happen, the need to feel him sitting standing next to me.

I was up on one of the hills, it was almost like being on the roof. The sky felt s near. So close, So perfect. I felt free.

* * *

REVIEW, I would realy really appreciate it. CoughCough let me make this a bit clearer. Review or no update, lol. Simple as that.  



	8. Seven: Ignorance is Bliss

You** change** for only two reasons

You _learn _enough that you **want** to

**or**

You _hurt_ enough that you** have **to

* * *

**Chapter Seven: Ignorance is Bliss**

I wasn't sure what to do. Haru was so different from Yuki and Kyo, how would he react? Would be sullen like Yuki? Or in denial like Kyo? Did it matter? To me it did. I slowly made my way over to the hill he was lying on. A little like Yuki, he didn't acknowledge me as I scooted next to him, sitting down and bringing my knees up to my chest, hiding my broken bleeding hands between them.

Nothing was said for a few moments, the only noises were the soft wind and an occasional shiver from me. I hadn't thought of how cold it would be. I knew it was cold, since it being winter, but not _this _cold. The fact that my almost paper thin sweater was already soaked and sticking to me didn't help the matter. I squeezed my knees closer to me, hoping that maybe I could get a little warmer or squeeze the cold out of me. But of course it was all to no avail.

He just raised an eyebrow looking at what I was wearing, I almost thought I saw him shake his head. Then I saw him sliding off his long white trench coat. I felt something drape around my shoulders, and I instantly knew what it was. It was warm and soft, yet firm and heavy. I looked up surprised to see Haru turn to me and adjust his big black coat on me. He fixed it so that it fully covered my shoulders, and it was even big enough to cover most of my legs. I felt the warm fur at the top brush against my cheek and I tried to burrow even deeper into the coat.

"What are you thinking going outside in this weather without a coat?" He asked me, already laying back down on his back, gazing at the frozen over lake.

"I was kind of in a rush, and umm, well forgot?" I said, even though I knew why I didn't. It was like running, I felt that I needed to prove to myself that I could tough this out. That I could overcome it, but I now realize that I'm completely and utterly stupid.

"That's not why...is it." He said, but it wasn't a question. He knew for a fact and it was something I couldn't deny. I slowly nodded. Lying was besides the point now anyway.

"Your right." I said, looking out to the ice. When I was little, I always used to pretend to be one of the world's greatest ice skaters, but my clumsiness and lack of balance always had kept me from that dream, bringing me back into the harsh reality. That's how I lived my life mostly, dreaming up a goal, but then stricken by reality.

I knew reality was harsh. My mom tried to give me the best. Trying her hardest to support us both. I could tell that it hurt her. Being alone, but she never showed it to me. Just kept on reassuring me with encouraging words, she was trying to take the weight of the world off my shoulders, but ever since the accident, I felt the burdens she'd been carrying with her. And now was the first time I've ever really felt what that was like.

I heard him shuffle a bit, rearranging himself, so that his elbows propped him up a bit, still looking towards the lake, "It's true...isn't it." he said. I heard this question in so many different forms in the past couple hours, that I didn't even hesitate when I nodded silently. Not quite looking at him, but I know he saw.

Then all of the sudden the ground shook once and solid. I turned to look at Haru. His eyes held that confidence and arrogance they usually had when he turned black. And I knew instantly that he was Black Haru now. His fist was still connected to the ground, a deep hole through the snow and dirt evident. I looked at him worriedly, not sure what to do. I've never really encountered black Haru alone.

"Hatsuharu..." I whispered. Reaching out to touch his shoulder, he didn't move, but I could see in his eyes, that he was having an internal battle. And white Haru had lost.

"How can you stand it? How can you stand knowing?" he asked, he sounded mad, but not at anyone or anything, just mad. I looked away from him. I didn't know much of what to do. So I opted for the truth.

"I can't. I don't." I said simply, thinking about the cold more than anything else right now. And it was the truth. Did he think that I enjoyed knowing? That I was going to bite the bullet in a couple more months? I don't. And as much as I tried to accept it...I couldn't. I'm only seventeen. I don't want to become one of those statistics.

"Then get mad! Fight back. Scream a little! Shout! Get pissed!" He said, more like ordered. He took his hand and put it under my chin, surprisingly gentle, and made me look at him. At the burning in his eyes. I pulled away, he wanted emotion? I'll give it to him.

"What! What do you want! Do you think I enjoy this? That I enjoy never being able to make it through High school? Never getting to college? Never having kids? In case you haven't realized yet, I'm dying. No not like in the movies, where they find out that they really don't die. This is real. Real life. There's no changing it, no miracle is going to happen." what I hadn't noticed when I spoke was that my voice kept getting louder and louder, the tears in my eyes almost spilling over if I hadn't wiped furiously at my eyes. And quickly put my hands back under my knees.

"Life is not something you can just fucking waste! Let yourself say what you want! Let yourself get mad, sad, or even just plain pissed!" He just shouted back, and I was taken aback. But it sparked something inside of me, I remembered all the other times Kyo or Yuki tried to make me show my emotions, say the things I wanted to, but I never did. But now...I was. And It felt good.

"Don't you think I know that! I don't want to see the faces, the words, the worried glances! I've always seen them growing up. And I have no choice but to see them. I don't have a choice in how to live my life!" I was standing now. And he got up too.

"You always have a choice! You have choice to make them stop. To make them believe that your alright. You have choice to try and live normally! There's always a choice!" He shouted back as fiercely as I had.

"Not every choice is the right one!" I said, I could feel the fire in my eyes, in my veins, in my soul. It felt like a whole new me had stepped out. Letting myself feel the emotions. Letting myself do what I wanted to do.

"There's no such thing as the right choice dammit! The right choice is what you want it to be!" He smirked.

Haru sat back down, propped up with his elbows, smiling at little to himself, As if he had accomplished something amazing. And I sat down next to him too, hands still hidden behind my knees, and head looking upwards.

"That's a start I guess, but your going to have to work at it." he said sighing, looking up towards the sky where all the flakes still fell, his smirk still encased on his face. A glint of mischief visible.

"What are you smiling about?" I asked a little confused. Start of what? I just got a little mad...

"Tohru is coming out." he said, I rolled my eyes.

"I've always been here."

"Yeah, but not like a few minutes ago." He said, lopsided smirk still there.

He looked at me silently for a few minutes. Not saying anything, and I was staring back too. It was almost like a magnetic connection, neither of us blinked or looked away, it was if there was an invisible force pulling us together. Slowly yet surely. His head slowly came closer to mine, so very slowly that I could have pulled away at any moment I wanted, but yet I didn't. I didn't even pull away when he was so close that I could feel his breath on my cheek.

Then it happened. Right there in the middle of the abandoned park. On the hill in front of the lake. A memory that would always be etched in my mind. Haru's lips descended onto mine, and the new me didn't pull away. It was wonderful, bittersweet. His lips were so soft, and yet it sent electric chills down my spine. I felt lax and relaxed here with Haru kissing me softly.

Then that's when it happened. Haru was face first in the snow from the sudden impact. I had to blink a few times to realize what had happened and when I did it finally struck me like a thousand bricks of what I had just done. To explain, What happened was that a fast hard snowball had pelted Haru's head, causing him to fall flat down on his face. I giggled at the sight. Finally seeing the kids a little younger than us behind us. Laughing hysterically.

"Run!" I heard the leader of the kids scream, and they all gallivanted off. Running so fast that you might have thought they were running from the fuzz themselves. Haru was still face down in the snow and my face flushed from the neck up. Ears included.

"That was my first kiss." I said surprised at myself. I can't believe it actually happened. My face was still flushed by the time Haru sat back up, looking a little or should I say very dazed.. But he was changed. No longer black Haru, but now just Haru. I looked at him surprisingly, wondering if he heard what I had said.

"Ugh...my head!" I heard him grumble from next to me, as he tried to shake the snow out of it. He was no longer Black Haru anymore. His composure was more relaxed, but he looked a little confused.

"Are you okay Hatsuharu?" I asked. He looked at me strangely for a second before answering.

"Yeah...but could you fill me in on what happened before I went down?" He asked, he sounded sincerely confused. And that's when it all dawned on me.

'Oh My God' was the only thought that came to mind, my face flushed again. Did he really not remember? 'I feel like such an idiot!' I thought to myself. 'Wait a minute...he was Black when he kissed me...What if that wasn't really Haru who did that!' I mentally screamed at myself. I must've looked a sight to him. My hair a mess, neck up red, and making shocked expressions. 'What else could to wrong?'

"I'm so stupid." I muttered out loud, laying down the the snow, looking up at the sky, it felt so near. 'ugh! Why did this have to happen!' I thought madly, sure I wanted him to kiss me, more than I could express in words but...DID HE HAVE TO FORGET? This is what happens when you like someone with a two-sided personality.

"Miss Honda?" He asked quietly, I sat up and sighed, propping myself up with my hands.

"So you don't remember anything from when you turned black?" I asked softly, hoping it wasn't true. To tell the truth. I didn't know what I thought would have happened if he did remember. Did this always happen to him? 'Great...just great.'

"Sorry." Was all he said before standing up and stretching, I followed after grateful to stretch my limbs. I still felt regret. Regret that I let myself become like this. A one-sided love is not what what I needed right now.

Then a thought hit me. So what if he didn't remember? Maybe it's fate trying to tell me in it's own way that it wouldn't have worked out anyway. I sighed for the millionth time today. 'It wouldn't have worked out anyway.' that thought kept ringing through my head. But if we couldn't be what I had wanted, then friends was the next best thing. And that started with calling each other by name, I thought wryly.

"Well, We said we'd call each other by our first names! And well you gave me sort of a pep talk, that's basically it." I said, even though half of it was a lie. He did give me somewhat of a pep talk I guess.

"Really?" He asked.

* * *

**Haru's Point of View**

'I've gotten myself into deep shit...' I thought to myself, mentally berating myself. Why did I have to lie! I didn't forget at all. But I made her believe that. And why you ask? I have no clue. I'm an idiot. Just an idiot. I didn't want to tell her that I remembered cause...I was embarrassed. Dear lord, I just stole her first kiss, there's no way she'd forgive me for that. None the less, I didn't even know if she liked me at all! We didn't even call each other by first names until now.

'I'M A FUCKING IDIOT.' I thought to myself.

"Yup! So, since you don't remember. Is it alright if I call you Haru?" She asked, a little shyly, making circles in snow with one foot. I only smiled and nodded. Still mad at myself for lying, I was mostly scared of how she'd react after the kiss, Would she have pushed me away? Accepted me? The Sohma's weren't meant to be loved. That's what I've grown up to know. It was all I've ever known.

That's when I saw it. The hand print that betrayed her face. The blood red hand print etched on the snow. It was so visible, almost the only color in the whole park. I looked at her sternly, she looked so innocent. You would've never known the secret she's kept hidden for years. At that exact moment I thought about her condition, I felt this welling sadness, she was the only person, the only person who actually tried to befriend the Sohmas, and really did.

"Let me see your hands." I said calmly, not letting my inner emotions known yet. but I could see it in her eyes, she already knew what I was talking about.

"Why?" She asked, playing dumb.

"Tohru. Let me see your hands." I said again, saying her name. I don't know why, but it felt good just saying her name, It rolled off my tongue almost perfectly.

Then I heard a light sigh as she outstretched her hands toward me, palms skyward.

"Shit." I said, while gently holding them, sitting down, bringing her with me. We sat in front of each other crisscrossed while I studied my palms. They looked painful. The pads of her fingers were almost totally rubbed off, which was were most of the dried blood had come from, and her nails were all broken or chipped from trying to do who knows what.

"It's not that bad actually." She said, knowing it wasn't true. I just raised my eyebrow staring at her hands, then I reached for my back pocket, for two handkerchiefs. I always kept them with me, not sure why, but Kisa always have me some. I gently started to wrap her hands in them. Making tight knots to keep her hands protected from getting worse.

"What happened?" I asked, while wrapping her other hand.

"It was really nothing..." she said, I instantly knew it was a lie. Her hands looked like that were almost burned off. The dry blood practically caked on them. Her fingers were the worst, the skin on them almost completely torn off. I just raised my eyebrows again, stopped working to look in her eyes.

"I tried climbing the main house roof." she said plainly.

"What!" I asked shocked beyond belief. Did she have any idea what could've happened? Apparently not.

"I was just trying to talk to Kyo, I knew he was up there, but he was ignoring me, and I couldn't find a ladder, so I tried climbing, but I fell, but Kyo caught me just in time, my hands aren't that bad, just a little scratched, and it's-" I cut her off.

"So it's Kyo's fault." I stated. That damn cat was trouble, I just know it.

"No no no!" She said, trying to make me believe it, but I just couldn't. If Kyo would just stop being an ignorant ass, then this wouldn't have happened.

"I'm bringing you to Hatori." I said, pulling her up with me, I still had her hands cupped within my own. Staring at them. This was just like her. She would never tell people when she was hurt, emotionally and physically. It ticked me off. I wish she would tell people, yell a little, make it known how she was feeling. Pent up emotions always lead to disaster. Or so I've learned.

I thought back to the kiss while I held her hand. It was so perfect. I cared for her a lot, but how could anyone ever love the cow?

* * *

**Tohru's Point of View**

I said nothing as he pulled me up to my feet and we began to walk out of the park. I also said nothing when I had noticed he didn't let go of one of my hands while walking. Holding it firmly in his, while we walked back to the main house. Maybe fate thought it wouldn't work, but I sure as hell thought it could if given the chance. Besides, who believes in fate anymore?

* * *

REVIEW PLEASE! sorry bout the long wait. School Finals. BUT ANYWAY. If you review I might make the wait a little shorter xP  



	9. Eight: Cranes of Hope

: This is your **life**. :  
Don't **fight** it.  
Don't **waste** it.  
Don't **deal **with it.  
Don't think about the** future**.  
Don't think about the **past**.  
: Just think about the **moment** & make it **last**. :

* * *

**Chapter Eight: Cranes of Hope**

We made it back to the house in record time. Three long hours of misleading street signs and the inability to tell left from right. But in the end we got there. Back to the manor, hands still linked. Then the awkward moment came, as I knew it would. We just stood there at the door to the main house. Still holding hands, wondering what would happen next.

"Well, they're probably worried about us." I said, swiftly unlinking my hands to brush up my hair, blush flushed across my face. Haru nodded.

"We were gone three hours." he said scratching his head. I felt like I just got back from a date, the boy walking you up to the door. The awkward moment. And the blushes. And isn't this the part where...oh you know! The goodbye kiss. But in reality. This wasn't a date.

Haru looked nervous, or maybe not nervous. Anxious. He looked like he had to say something. Something important, or maybe it was unimportant. I couldn't tell. Then he looked up to the sky for a moment as if reciting what he was going to say in his head. Then he looked me straight in th eye.

"Tohru, earlier-" then he was cut off by the open swing of the door. Momiji and Yuki standing behind it, looked at us worry-stricken and yet relived when they saw us.

"Tohru's back!" Momiji screamed back to the house, I winced. Akito would not like that.

"Hi guys! I'm so so so sorry for making you worry." I said, bowing at 80 mph. Yuki put his hands up to stop me with a smile.

"Miss Honda don't worry yourself about that." He said calmly. Momiji giggled.

"Besides if we didn't worry, what kind of friends would we be!" He said proudly, yet at the same time jumping up and down.

"We can go home now if you want." Yuki said softly, he looked a little down, his smiles fake, his voice hollow. And that was because of me. I brought sadness and worry to anyone who got close to me. And they thought they were cursed. But I was brought out of my thought when Momiji stomped his foot.

"I want Tohru to stay here!" He said facing Yuki. Yuki looked startled and speechless, something you never see.

"Well, I just though-"

"No! You just want to keep Tohru all to yourself. We want to stay with her before-" He stopped abruptly. But he didn't need to, I knew what he was going to say. It was written all over their faces.

"Before I bite the bullet?" I asked questioningly, even though I knew I was right, not one of them could look at me.

"You can say it you know. It'll come up eventually. I'm fine with it, really." I said to them, catching each of their eyes. They looked somewhat relaxed, but yet unbelieving. And to tell the truth, I didn't believe it myself either.

"So you know, you don't have to beat around the bush all the time." I said softly looking down at my feet, tracing a pattern in the snow with it.

"So...I'll get my stuff together." I said, putting on a smile and standing up straight. Momiji looked stricken.

"But that's not fair! You should stay here." He half begged half whined. And I sighed. Everything I owned was at Shigure's house. But I decided on a compromise.

"What about this. This week I'll go back to Shigure's, but the whole next week I'll stay here? Well, if Akito will allow it. Better?" I asked, bending down to his perspective. He seemed to be thinking about it.

"Deal!" He said, complete with the business like handshake. I heard Haru chuckle behind me, and I looked at him smiling.

"I'll go get my stuff." I said walking into the house, taking off my shoes at the door. Momiji and Yuki stayed by the door, they looked like they wanted to talk alone for a minute, so without question I walked straight into room that my bag was left in, the letter, and my uniform.

The light wasn't on and I didn't bother turning it on anyway. The mood felt sad, tragic in this room. The lights out, only the glow-y white snow from the window illuminating the room. The hospital looking bed in the back of the room. I walked to the window and just looked out.

That's when it caught my eye, the figure sitting on the wooden porch. Ryou. I could make out the dark hair and bright eyes almost instantly. He was lounging on the porch, his left hand propping up his head, while his right arm fiddled with something. I had a few things to say to him. What things, I wasn't sure of yet. But I knew I had to say something.

I stood by the window for a few more minutes before pushing away and heading out the door. My bag in hand. I walked out to the rice wall that separated me from him. I could make out his shadow from the wall. I anxiously opened the door. If he noticed, he didn't say anything. If he saw me sit next to him, he didn't acknowledge.

But I saw what he was fiddling with from the window, and then noticed the paper cranes dropped onto the floor next to him. Paper cranes? A lot of people knew how to make them one way or another, but I'd never learned, never had the time to. I curiously watched as he folded one after another using only his right hand.

"Your good at that." I said to him, he looked at me curiously, but I only nodded toward the crane he was currently working on. Each of them took him under a minute to make. He didn't say anything, just went back to folding as if his life depended on it.

"Why are you making so many?" I asked sheepishly, there must've been at least fifty on the ground next to him. His hand stopped in mid fold looking at me, lifting an eyebrow.

"What?" I asked, a little bugged. He just shrugged it off and continued folding then tossing it aside.

"You obviously never heard the legend of 'Sadako and her One Thousand Paper Cranes'." He said, still folding.

I just shut up, knowing whatever I said wouldn't be appropriate either way, but it didn't matter because he just kept talking.

" was a Japanese girl who lived near Hiroshima, Japan. She was only two years old when the atom bomb was dropped on Hiroshima on August 6, 1945. As she grew up, Sadako was a strong, courageous and athletic girl. In 1954, at age eleven, she became dizzy and fell to the ground. Sadako was diagnosed with leukemia, the "atom bomb disease"."

He paused as to give effect to the story. I sat on the edge of the porch drawing lines in the snow with my foot. This story sounded familiar. He continued.

"Sadako's best friend Chizuko, came to visit her and brought with her some origami . She told Sadako the legend of the crane. It is Japanese legend that folding 1000 paper cranes so pleases the gods that the folder is granted a wish. Sadako wished to get well. So, after hearing the legend, Sadako decided to fold one thousand paper cranes."

I stopped drawing lines the the snow, looking at Ryou almost captivated. I felt bad for the girl. So young left to carry such a heavy burden.

"After she folded 500 cranes she felt better and the doctors said she could go home for a short time, but by the end of the first week back home the dizziness and fatigue returned and she had to return to the hospital."

I dazed off, looking out at the flowerless sakura trees. What happened to the girl? And Ryou kept going, still folding and talking. Almost as if it was a very important task to fold all those cranes.

"Sadako continued to fold cranes. Even though she was in great pain, she tried to be cheerful and hopeful. Not long afterwards, with her family standing by her bed, Sadako went to sleep peacefully, never to wake up again. She had only folded a total of 644 paper cranes."

I instantly snapped up. No happy ending...I couldn't help but wonder. Was she happy? Did she accept her fate? I felt as if my heart poured out to this girl. For all the troubles she went through. It must've been hard...Then all of the sudden Ryou looked up at me. What shocked me was the pure and utter hope in his eyes.

"I'm making them for you. Your going to get better. I swear it. Already on number 456." He said, showing me one that he just finished. I was speechless. But then a small smile slowly crept on my face.

"Thank you...you think I have time to start too?" I asked hopefully. His hope was like a disease. caught quickly. He knew what I implied. What I really asked was 'Do I have enough time before I die?' He stopped folding and looked at me.

"Don't talk like that. Of course there's enough time! Plenty plenty plenty of time!" He muttered more to himself than to me.

"Did...she die happy? Wait...not happy...content?" I asked timidly, for who would die happily at the mere age of eleven?

Ryou looked at me, for a second I felt like the girl, Sadako Sasaki, doomed to oblivion, and it made my breath hitch, I was crying. A few tears spilled over my cheeks as I desperately tried to wipe them away. I had cracked. The stress that precariously piled up on me all fell down. I tried to keep in the tears, but then I started to hiccup. I felt two strong arms envelope me and hold me close into a brotherly hug, I clutched on for dear life.

"I don't want to die. I don't want to die. I don't want to die." I shouted over and over again into his shirt. I felt his run his hand up and down my back trying to comfort me, but I found no comfort.

"I know...I know..." He said softly into my hair.

"I-I-I want to finish high school, drive a car, get married, I want to ride an airplane, explore the world." I hiccuped into his shirt. I thought back to what I was telling everyone. How I said I was fine, How I've accepted my fate, How they didn't have to beat around bush. Lies, all lies.

"I'm not okay, I don't want to believe it. I can't. I won't!" I shouted angrily into his shirt. He pulled away slightly so I could look into his eyes.

"Your not going to die. I swear. I promise you. I'm to stubborn to let you die anyway." He said, I calmed down a whole lot. I knew it was a promise that would eventually be broken. For he wasn't God. I knew even though he said so, maybe even really thought so, it would never be so. My eyes had dried, and Ryou stood up, taking my hand with him to pull me up too.

"Better?" he asked. I sniffled a little and nodded, then leaned against one of the support beams. He looked at me to be sure and stuffed his hands into his pocket taking out another piece of origami paper. My heart bled while I watched his fervently make more and more cranes.

"So, Who is this Hatsuharu guy and what is he to you?" He asked suddenly, and I almost jumped. Blush back on my face.

"Umm...well he's a Sohma, and umm...Well, he's one of my close friends! Yeah, that's it." I said, He just raised another eyebrow.

"You like him." He stated, that wasn't a question. 'Ugh, busted.' Knowing that my chances of lying and getting a way with it was one out of a million, lying was no option. So I just nodded, but then whipped my head fast enough to give me whiplash to look at him. I could already see the annoyed little mark on his forhead.

"Don't you dare go all big brother on me!" I warned him, poking him with a finger on the chest. He always became that overprotective brother character when a boy was involved, even in elementary.

He just raised his hands in defense, "I was just going to say that...he's a nice guy." he said. And I had to blink twice.

"What...?" I asked confused. I was almost looking forward to mad brother, err well cousin.

"You know he was the most worried, I mean we were all worried, but he took worrying to the next level." He blew out a low whistle while still folding cranes. I looked at him questioningly.

"And that's how you tell how a guy is nice?" I asked.

"No dum-dum, He carried you all the way from school on his back." He said. And then an interesting thought crossed my mind that almost made me choke.

"OH MY GOD! You know their secret! And it's all my fault!" I practically jumped to attention. The shout brought Kyo and Kisa out from the house in a rush. Panting and all. Then Hatori casually strolled out to us.

"Sissy alright?" Kisa asked worriedly clutching to my pant leg. I nodded warily, weren't they mad? Are they going to erase my memory? Surely they wouldn't.

"He knows!" I said pointing to Ryou, who looked confused and a little lost. Hatori chuckled. And Kyo just smirked.

"What? A person outside of the Sohma family knows! What have I done! O god, you are-" I was stopped in mid sentence when Kyo clamped a hand over my mouth.

"Jeez you talk too much." He said, before letter my mouth go. I looked worriedly at Hatori wondering what would happen now.

"And by the way. We already told him. He was bound to find out anyway." Kyo said gruffly crossing his arms in a huff.

"But-" I started.

"Miss Honda, if you must know. Akito gave us permission to tell." Hatori said, always sounding so professional.

"Akito?" I asked, maybe I had heard wrong.

"His mind works in strange ways." was the only thing he said before going all doctor, "I heard you were going back to Shigure's for this week." I nodded. "In that case, take these with you." he said handing me a bottle of what looked like pills.

"Take one everyday. It will help. But before you take them make sure that you've eaten something. And especially don't over exert yourself. That means no running. Okay?" He asked.

"Yeah, thank you so much!" I said, bowing down once again.

"No need, there are people here that care about you more than you know." he said before turning back into the house.

I looked down at Kisa who was still huddled against my leg, "I'll be right back okay? I just need a moment with my cousin, okay?" I asked. Kisa just nodded, understanding at such a young age and left for the inside of the house too.

Ryou had already laid back down on the porch, propped up by his left hand, folding with the right. The cranes. I would learn how to make them as well as him. I promised myself now that I would. But I wouldn't make them for me. I'd make them for the Sohma's. For all the care that they've shown me.. For everything they've done for me. Then after that one thousand. I'd make another for Ryou. I nodded to myself, making a promise that I would not soon forget.

"This time, I'll practice making cranes for all of you." I said, I didn't know if he heard me, but I just turned and opened the door back into the house.

His hope brought me hope. Hope and the drive to live again. I would never give up. Not now. Not ever.

* * *

I finally updated, last day of school. So no more delays. Review or I might lose my muse xP 


	10. Nine: How it Happened

I'm evil.  
-Lexii (Author)

Expecting people to**_  
never_** change is like  
_expecting_ one candle to burn  
**forever**...

**Chapter Nine: How it Happened**

I sighed for the what must be the millionth time in the day as the paper slipped between my hands. This has been going on for hours it seems. Since my fingers were still bandaged together, making paper cranes beame an arduous task.

It was already Saturday. The rest of the week flew by, but the hardest part was th questions at school. Everyone had already made their own opinion of what had happened, but no one stepped close to the truth, and that, I was glad for. The Sohmas' tried making my everyday life a little easier. Ryou stayed for the whole time, taking up residence in one of the villas at the Main House.

After my little breakdown, no one mentioned anything about my condition, besides the usual call from Hatori telling me to take my pills. The only difference that I took note on were the looks Yuki sent me. The sad looks from the corner of his eye when he thought I wasn't looking. The looks Kyo sent me. Not looks of sadness, but instead it looked like he was still trying to convince himself that nothing was wrong. And that thought alone made me sadden.

I sighed again as I crumpled the paper I had in my hand and reached out to take another one from the pile. It was a slow day here at Shigure's house. Yuki was out at his secret base, I said I'd go with him, but he said that he didnt want to bother me with it. Kyo was on the roof. Even if I were in good health, I'd never be able to make it up there.

My week at Shigure's was almost already up. Then I'd stay at the Main House.

"I surrender!" I said outloud and dropped the pathetic piece of paper I had been trying to fold for over the past hour.

"It's not that hard ya know." I heard a gruff voice behind me say. And I turned around to see Kyo behind me, leaning against the sliding door.

"Well, it's just that...umm." I held up my hands and that said it all. His face was crestfallen with guilt. And I rigorously shook my head.

"No no no! It's not your fault. I didn't see the ladder! It's not your fault at all. I'm just a little stupid. But it's definitely not your fault." I said, winding down, to see him grinning.

"Well you never were that bright." he said sarcastically and I smiled to see that he was acting pretty normal around me know.

"So...Your going over to the Main House this week." He said almost disdainfully. Even though all that's happened him and Yuki still don't ever wish to go back there. I heard him mutter something about a 'stupid rabbit' then promptly shut his mouth again.

"Yeah, I've always wanted to have a look around that place. It's really big." I said, nothing else came to thought. I looked at the clock and realized I should've gone to get the groceries the house would need while I was gone an hour ago and the thought of them starving in the house made me jump to my feet and grab my coat on.

"Where you going?" Kyo looked up in surprise.

"Grocery shopping, I keep having this thought of all you starving here." I said jokingly. Kyo detested grocery shopping, hence, I never asked him to accompany me, knowing he'd ground out a pained 'yes'.

"You'll be okay right?" He asked.

"I'll be fine, promise!" I said, all the while buttoning my coat down. Then I turned around to look at him one last time before going out the door. But he wouldn't allow me to see his face because he faced the other way.

"Well, bye." I said, uncertain before turning around to face the door, my hand already on the handle.

"Wait." He said from behind me, and I half turned to see him, but he still wasn't facing me.

"Umm...yeah?" I asked.

"Look. It's really hard for me to say this. So don't say anything right now." I heard him take a deep breath. " I...I mean we, We don't want you to go. I know I haven't been, well there for you, but I just want to say. You mean a lot to us. Just...don't go."

I've heard a lot of things in my life, but nothing can compare to what I'd just heard. I didn't know what to say. It touched me, I felt tears well up in my eyes, but I wouldn't let fall. I knew what he meant, when he said don't go. My fingers felt numb against the door. I couldn't think. So I said the only two words that could manage without breaking down.

"Thank You. I really mean it. _Thank you._ You don't know how much this means to me." I said, taking one last look at his back, and walked out of the house, into the snow covered ground. I pulled the coat closer to my body and started walking, while thinking of what he said. I mean, sure I knew they cared about me, but it was nice actually hearing it outloud.

I kept my head down as I walked on the sidewalk. I didn't exactly go to the grocery first thing. I wandered a bit my head still reeling. I don't know how or why, but my feet took me to the playground. The one I had so many fond memories of. I remember that I took Hiro and Kisa here once. But of course, it wasn't good enough for Hiro. I remember Ryou throwing a snowball in my face while waiting for our friends, I remember eating ice creams here with Yuki and Kyo. Both who refused to go until the last second.

I sat on the swing seat, lightly moving it with my feet. I didn't stay there long, but just long enough to get my thoughts together. I thought of my mom. I thought of my friends. I thought of the Sohma's . I thought of everything. And I thought to myself. For maybe not the first time, but this time it was for real. And now I was certain.

It's okay now. I have the love of my friends. That's all I need. That's all I ever needed. I don't know why, but I've always thought that I was okay with it, but just a week ago, I found out I wasn't. Now when I think it, I actually feel that everything will be okay. It was a kind of happiness I could drown in. It made me happy.

I suddenly got up from the seat and started walking, stupid smile plastered on my face. I started walking fast paced to the bus stop, and sat down again. Still smiling a humming a song that I knew I heard from a while back, but still had no idea where it came from.

I saw the busses headlights while it was still away and watched as it slowed down at the stop. I quickly got on and just stood, holding onto one of the poles because it was so crowded. Then I felt something. It was like the warm fuzzy feeling from earlier, except this one was...different.

I felt a stab of distress. It was hot. Or was I just imagining that. It felt like an oven. Getting harder to breath with each second. I brought a hand to my chest. I tried to cough maybe to clear my throat. Nothing happened. It felt like my lungs were being strangled. My eyes started to water. I tried to choke out a help but nothing happened.

My knees started to buckle. My arms got weaker. I looked around the crowded bus, no one took notice. But in the last second before I black out I wasn't afraid. I sure as heck wasn't happy, but...I wasn't mad. I wasn't panicked. I was okay... Then, like a flash of lightning, I saw a face. His face. That silly cow. Then I hit the ground

**A Week Later**

It was deafly quiet. The hallways were empty. You could hear a needle drop. You couldn't even spark a peep out of Momiji. It was almost as if the whole Sohma Estate was an abandoned ghost town. For the past day, or was it two? Maybe it's been three. You asked someone here. No one could have told you.

Ritsu. He...wasn't the same. He never freaked out anymore, but took on Kisa's way of doing things. By not speaking at all. Or hearing. For who could be blame at a deaf mute? Not even he could.

I walked along the hallways, peeking into each room as I passed. Kisa resorted to not talking again. We haven't heard her voice in the past couple days. The effect it had on Hiro was even worse.

Even though Yuki and Kyo had sworn never to step foot in the Main House again. They were here. They have been for who knows how long since **_it _**happened. Even with more people the house seemed deader than ever. Now, when you see one of them, they just sit there and stare. Statue like.

For the past couple days Shigure engrossed himself in his writing. Never stopping to take breaks. He almost never came out of the his room. Ayame. He was less certain of himself all the time now. I think it was because he was so certain that Tohru...would be okay. But now she's...But now he's not certain anymore, can't make decisions.

Her cousin, Her cousin...he took it the hardest. No one's seen him in the past few days. He just up and left one day. He left all his stuff. No one knows where he went. But somehow he was somewhere. Doing something.

What? What happened you ask? Where is Tohru in this gloomy picture. You'll find out. I couldn't take this. I couldn't take being here. I couldn't take seeing all of this. I couldn't take seeing how it's affected all of us. Suddenly I felt angry. Mad. Confused. I stormed out of the house, being sure to slam the door. Screw Akito. I ran my hair through my black/white hair and made my way over to the old park.

The park where I met the real Tohru, the one who got mad, the one who was just as confused, the one that made me laugh. It felt different not having her around. She used to be everywhere. As I walked toward the old park, I took in what was around me, making sure not to miss anything, any part of it. I hated what was happening. We were falling apart at the seams.

I walked to the hill. And sat down, just gazing at the view. What the fuck happened? You ask again. It happened a week ago. I was walking Kisa and Hiro back from their school. My cell phone rang. Tohru. She'd been alone. On the bus, then it happened. Her heart failed. It was starting to erode. But it was so sudden. She was fine one minute. Then...she just stopped being fine.

I ran. I ran as soon as I heard. Kisa was screaming after me frantically, but I couldn't think. I was mad. I could feel Black Haru engulfing my very essence. It made me fast, my adrenaline pulsed. I ran as fast as I could. The Hospital. She was there. Kisa and Hiro has caught up with me when the found out the direction I had run in a look of horror flashed across Kisa's face. Everything stopped. Time had stopped. I didn't even register the faces of people I knew till I sped to her room. The elevator had been the worst part. Waiting for the numbers to go up. Nearly ready to shot all the people getting off or on.

Then I saw here. She was there. On the bed of crisp white sheets, She looked like an angel, but just by looking you could tell something was wrong. Hatori was in there with a nurse. He was looking over some papers, and looking at the monitor and shaking his head once in a while. I walked over to the bed and looked at her. Seeing her up close made me see. Her skin was pale, her lips chapped, her breathing shallow. Almost nonexistent.

_**Flashback**_

"Haru, Go wait in the waiting room." He said. I just stood there by her side, then I heard more commotion by the door.

"Sissy..." Her eyes tearing. Streaks falling down her face. "Sissy, Sissy no! Sissy please." Kisa ran over to the bed, While I was numb with fear as to what this meant. Kisa was hysterical, she ran to her crying, screaming, shaking Tour's arm, which only waved like a puppet doll. I could remember distantly hearing her say, "Tohru, wake up! Wake up! Haru, Sissy she won't wake up. I saw the nurse pull her away from Tohru. Circling her arms around her.

"Haru! Take Kisa, And go to the waiting room. Go now." Hatori said, this time more sternly. I still didn't move, and Kisa still cried.

"Is she okay?" I ground out. Eyes gone steely.

"Hatsuharu. Go now. Take Kisa. I will tell you when we know for sure, but your being here won't help her in her state right now." He said evenly in his ever professional voice.

I took one last look at her face. Kissed her forehead. And left. Sitting down into one of the many chairs in the room. I saw Yuki, slouched his in his. His once proud shoulders stooped low. Kyo. leaning against a wall that promptly had a hole the size of a fist next to him. The others just stared into space. Tohru...she was a part of us. She was our other half. And now...

Kisa settled down next to me. Crying hysterically still. I pulled her into a hug, and let her cry. I felt like crying too. But Black Haru's personality won out, and I punched the chair next to me, sending it flying near the whole Kyo had already made. 'I won't allow it. I won't allow her to die.' I thought angrily

I suddenly stood up. Kisa went up with me.

"Why the hell wasn't anyone with her!" I shouted angrily, my eyes flaming as I shot a look at everyone, snapping them out of their gloom.

"Don't you even dare give me that look." Yuki sneered from his seat, not looking up once. Shigure didn't even look up from the floor. My eyes went to the only other person in the room that could've been with her, but wasn't.

"Kyo, You better start talking before I kill you." I said, deadly serious. Shigure looked up now. If anyone could tell that I wasn't just joking around, he definitely could. Kyo tensed up, ready for the obvious fight about to happen.

"You know I'd never let anything like this happen to her by choice! Your a fucking bastard for assuming that." He yelled back, readying his fists.

"Well you damn right did." I screamed back, and with the new speed from Black Haru I punched him square in the jaw.

"STOP. Stop this now. This is no way to handle this." I let Kyo out of my choke hold to see Ryou.

"What the hell do you know! You left her the first time you found out about it! What do you say about that?" I yelled, voice full of accusations. I could see what I did took affect immediately.

"Don't you dare presume to think you know about what really happened! Do you hear me? Don't. You. Dare." He shouted. His face contorted in rage. And I regretted what I said.

"You had no idea what happened. You have no idea." he continued to ground out.

"Now we sit and wait. She will be fine." He said, trying to convince us, although he ran his hand through his hair, a sign of stress. I could tell straight through his eyes. Something was wrong. Very wrong.

A few hours passed. Although it felt like years. Kisa settled down to loud hiccups. Ritsu looked like he was having seizures. and I unclenched and relented my fists. Drawing blood from the crescent moon nails lines. Then Hatori came in. He looked like he aged a couple years in those hours. Everyone looked up at him, some with gloomy eyes knowing fully well that she was...dead. While others, Kisa and Kyo, they had that small, but stealthier spark of hope.

"Everyone. This is hard for me to say but...I'm sorry, everyone." He said head bent down.

"Fuck." I said slowly, I felt a warm wetness slid down my cheek. I suddenly stood up. Just that starting sentence out of Hatori, I knew. Something was wrong with her. It was over. I never told her of what really happened at the old park. I never told her about what I really felt. And now. I'll never be able to. We'll never be able to what I always pictured us to be.

"Fuck you all!" I shouted out to no one in particular. and Ran. Ran far away.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I hate putting an authors note in chapter, but this is important. Yeah. See now, this was originally going to be **Tohru/Akito**, but then it kinda shifted towards **Tohru/Haru**...dilemma I know. So give me your opinion on whose better.

**PLEASE REVIEW** which pair you like better. Shit, I'm already in a C2 community for OX and the ONIGRI although I am happy I got accepted into a C2 community. But I kind like the whole Haru and Tohru thing, and I've already gone too far with it, but it the general public wants Akito. I'm a master at swinging this whole thing around in a giant U-turn, while all the while making it believable.

**_Well REVIEW AND TELL ME._** Or should I just stop this whole story now? Cause I like it. No this is not the last chapter.


	11. Ten: What I Wish I Told You

But not that **evil.**  
-Lexii (Author)

**live **your life the way  
** you** want it  
dont be _s c a r e d_ to  
speak your mind  
and do what you want  
lifes to **short**  
to be _following_  
someone's** else's** rules

**Last Chapter:**

"Everyone. This is hard for me to say but...I'm sorry, everyone." He said head bent down.

"Fuck." I said slowly, I felt a warm wetness slid down my cheek. I suddenly stood up. Just that starting sentence out of Hatori, I knew. Something was wrong with her. It was over. I never told her of what really happened at the old park. I never told her about what I really felt. And now. I'll never be able to. We'll never be able to what I always pictured us to be.

"Fuck you all!" I shouted out to no one in particular. and Ran. Ran far away.

**Chapter Ten: What I Wish I Told You  
**

I returned to the hospital five hours later. Bags under my eyes, pale looking skin, and bedraggled hair. They were all still there. But they looked worse. Just looking at them, they radiated of grief and anger. They had lost their spark. The will, the very thing that made them human. Kisa had stopped crying. She had stopped everything. She had stopped smiling, stopped laughing, stopped being her.

But no one could look at me. I saw Yuki try to glance at me out of the corner of my eye. Everyone else was shaking they're heads slowly. Broken. This was bad, there was something they're not telling me. Something worse has happened.

'ha, worse? and how would you define worse?' Black Haru scoffed, I let out a feral growl, angry. She was gone.

I slowly walked over to her and kneeled in front of her, trying to see her face where she had so cleverly covered it with her bangs. Her eyes were different from everyone else's. Where else everyone looked so empty, souls sucked right out of them, hers still had hope.

'hah, hope. So naive...' Black Haru mentally raged in my head.

When she saw me, she lifter her head, "Make Sissy wake up, Please..." She started sniffling. I didn't say anything, For what could I say? I just got up. And walked over to Shigure, the only adult who looked like he could speak properly.

"Shigure." I said, he slowly brought his head up. When he saw me, he tried to glance away as if he didn't see me. Trying to look away from me. They're hiding something. They're hiding something from me.

"Finished running away now?" He asked, There was no bitterness, no anger, just no emotion. It was empty. Everyone in the room seemed like that. I clenched my hands into a fist.

"Is she okay." I asked. Or demanded, which ever one got me my answer. About her.

"Why don't you find out for yourself." he said cynically. And with a nod of the head walked away.

I walked to her room, pushing past anyone and everyone who got in my way. Until I got to her room. In front of the door there was a nurse, scribbling away at her clipboard, shaking her head sadly . But when she saw me, she straightened up and looked me square in the eyes.

"No visitors allowed." She said firmly. My eyes went steely and the glare came along with it.

"You will let my through that door and into that room, right this instance, or believe me I will-" I said through clenched teeth. Clenching and unclenching my fists. Willing myself not to change.

"Let him in." Said a voice from behind me, Hatori. He nodded toward the nurse and she in turn opened the door, head bent down. I felt as if she knew something I didn't, something that wasn't good. We walked in, and I immediately rushed to her bedside.

She looked so pale, so different. She didn't have her normal glow about her. Her face wasn't drawn into her usual smile. She wasn't moving at all, she was just there. Non moving. I gently, somewhat hesitantly, brought my hand to her cheek. Tracing the side of her face. Her skin was so soft and warm. Wait...warm?

"Hatori, What the hell is going on! Why the fuck can't anyone look at me directly! Tohru's fine! She's breathing, her skin is warm, she's alive!" I shouted desperately. Something was wrong I could feel I t, but she was here, she was all right. She would stay with us.

I cringed at how loud I shouted, looking back to Tohru, hoping I didn't wake her. She barely even stirred. I sighed in relief.

"Hatsuharu. Please sit down. There is something I need to tell you." He said sternly, pointing to the chair situated next to her bed. I grudgingly sat down, elbows on knees, face in hands.

"Good, now I need you to please calm down an-" Hatori promptly quieted when I stood up. I got out of the chair so fast it fell over, creating a loud banging sound that seemed to vibrate the room. I looked over to Tohru sure that I had woken her up.

"Tohru! I'm so..." I started to say but as I looked over to her...she still hadn't moved, at all. Nothing, not even a mumble, or a shuffle. Hatori circled around me and propped the chair back up. Seeing the look of revelation on my face.

That's when I felt the cold stab of fear engulf my whole body. Coursing through my very body. I realized it. God! How could I be so stupid. I could feel it. I could myself slowly giving up. I could feel my will slide out of my grip.

I slip down into my chair, shoulders shaking. I covered my face in my hands. Damning myself to hell.

"She's not going to wake up. She's not going to wake up, that's it. Isn't it." I murmured, slouching. My hands formed in fists holding my face up. Knuckles held so tight that they turned white. I could feel my whole body shaking.

"She fell into coma. She could wake up in a week, or month. Maybe even year. It is most likely she'll never wake up again...Haru? Haru." Hatori said, coming in close to inspect me. I had began rocking a little in my chair, fists pressing hard into my forehead. I didn't talk. I didn't say anything. I could tell it was starting to worry Hatori

"Hatsuharu. Please, say something." He said, calm as ever. I kept my head bent down, but slowly got up from the chair, covering my eyes with my bangs.

"You want me to say some thing. Fine. Here it is. I hate you. I hate you so much. It's all your goddamned fault. If you would've done something better, gotten to her faster...DAMMIT!" I said, keeping my voice no louder that a whisper, but you could feel the rage, the hate that it embodied. My shoulders started shaking again, uncontrollable.

"Hatsuharu! There's nothing I could've done, and you know it. You always have known it. The best that I could do for her was slow it down." He snapped back. My shoulders wouldn't stop shaking, but this time I was laughing. It was a sad laugh, a hollow laugh. One that could make you cringe just at the sound. It unnerved Hatori. I guess I always have known. I just never acknowledged it. And I abruptly stopped laughing.

"That's rich. You sound like you couldn't give a shit, that she's..." I trailed off. But what I already had said was enough. Hatori's body went ridged. His eyes steely, but he never once yelled all throughout his speech.

"Is that how you think it is. Do you really think that I enjoy watching people break down at the news? Do you think I enjoy watching our family fall apart? Do you think I enjoy watching the only other person who gave a shit about our family be dealt a fate worse than death? Do you really think I enjoy that?" He said, his back facing me. Never once did he raise his voice.

And although he never once yelled, I could hear the anger in his voice, the sorrow. And I regretted what I said. It had hit a deep one. Hatori made his way to the door, hand already on handle.

"Wait! Hatori...I'm...I'm...well you know. It's just the...It's so unfair." I said, giving up. and sitting back down, looking at her face. watching as her chest rose and fell with each breath. looking at her eyes, which will never open again, looking at her mouth which would never speak again. I moved closer to her, brushing a few strands of her hair back from her eyes.

I could feel my eyes water. Like rain waiting to pour. "Tohru...please wake up now. I promise, everything will be better now." I begged, slightly shaking her arm. No reaction

"Well go back to school, and we'll go to that new restaurant. It will be fine now. Just wake up." I tried again. and again, and again. I didn't stop. I couldn't, for maybe there was that tiny window of hope that she'll wake up, ask for what time it is, and fuss over dinner.

"Tohru, please. Please, wake up. Kisa misses you. She won't talk anymore." I tried some more. Time had passed, but I never stopped once. My voice was getting sore. My head growing tired. Someone had draped a coat over my shoulders, I kept seeing blurs of people walk in and out of the room. I couldn't tell anymore. The only think that mattered was getting Tohru back.

Hours passed. It was 3:00 in the morning. I never stopped once. I begged and pleaded to no avail. Then Akito came in. I didn't care. I didn't care about anything anymore. I didn't care what he does to me. I just wanted to be with her.

"You all care so much about her. And why is that? Tell me Haru." I wasn't sure if there was bitterness or anger in his voice, and frankly, I didn't care one bit.

"She tried getting to know you. And you still haven't figured it out yet." I drawled out sarcastically. I don't care what Akito does. I don't. He wants me locked up. Then be my guest. It doesn't matter now.

Akito didn't say anything he was silent, but he took long strides closer to the bed, and I felt myself straighten up, eyeing his movements carefully. I tensed up, as he drew nearer to her.

"It's...sad." He said, and I snapped my head up fast to look at him, scrutinize him. I didn't say anything. I just watched him closely. He was just standing there, looking at her face.

"Worse than dying...I'm...sorry." was the only other thing he said. But it made me almost take a double take.

"All my life. All my time at the Main house. You've never liked Tohru, you've never acknowledged her, even after all the things she tried to do. She always tried to please you, and not once, not even once have you ever thanked her. And now, when it's too late. You want to say it now. What a fitting end." I said, glowering.

Akito's eyes flamed. He looked enraged, But I didn't care. Why care anymore? Akito didn't say anything more, but walked out the room in a rage, slamiming the door, I looked over to Tohru, hoping it would wake her. It didn't.

"Tohru, I'm sorry. Please wake up." I started again. "I never told you what really happened at the park..." That I remember everything, That I wanted to be more than just friends with her. Then as if finally realizing my tiredness, I fell asleep, head resting against her hand, huddling over her bed.

**The Next Day**

**Ryou's Point of View**

I stayed there all night, giving Haru his time. The Hospital chairs were uncomfortable, but that was the least thing on my mind. I was still thinking of Tohru. I never meant to leave her the first time, I never meant to abandon her. I'm a horrible brother. I spent the night thinking of all the things that I wanted to see her do. I wanted to see her face when she graduates highschool, I wanted to see her face when she got her drivers licensee, I wanted to see her face when she got married. Now, all those things are lost.

It's worse than dying, far worse that dying. It's living, but never being able to smile, laugh, love. Yet, she still lives. It's maddening. It's already day two of hospital time. I walked to her door, looking through the slit of a window in it. Haru was still there. Sleeping, I had seen him. I saw how he tried, again and again. But never once did it work.

I walked in and took in the picture. She looked so peaceful, as if she was going to wake up in the next second, instead of maybe never. I walked over to Haru, and nudged him a little, it didn't take much to wake him up. He shot right up from the seat and said, "Tohru!" with such hope. And then he saw me and you could see it in his eyes.

"Go on home and rest. I've got it from here." I said to him softly. He shook his head and looked back to her again. Longing for her to rise.

"No, I've got to keep trying." He murmured.

"Please, I just need some time alone with her." I tried once again. The other man looked to me, and contemplated. He gave a short nod, "If she does anything, says anything, moves, Please, let me know right away." He said softly before leaving the room. And I sat down in his chair. Looking at her.

"I'm sorry, you know." I started, I needed to say everything.

"I told you all these things, made you hope for so much. I'm sorry." I continued, I could feel my eyes water.

"Please, if you can hear me at all, do something!" I said loudly, hoping for some sort of reaction, like in the movies, someone says something endearing and powerful, then the other wakes up, as if nothing bad has ever happened. And that did not happen.

"That first time, when I found out, I...I didn't mean to leave like that. There was just so much going on. And...I feel I have to tell you this, I need to tell you this now. Uo had suspicions and she was right." I said, softly, so softly. It was all my fault. All that while ago. It was my fault she had to work so hard.

"I...I was in the Clan. It was a mistake." I choked on my words, The Clan was part of the yakuza a while back. But then all it leaders vanished after a lost war. I was gang pressed into it, I couldn't leave! I didn't have a choice.

"I...She...There was a fight...on the street. We saw a car...I didn't realize it was Aunt then. It was a mistake. It was an accident!" I said desperately, even though knowing she couldn't hear me.

"We...didn't want anyone to see, eliminate all evidence they said, She was evidence." My tears fell, it was so long ago. It...was all my fault. I covered my face with my hands.

"We didn't think she'd die, It was a mistake, but then the car...It crashed. Tohru, God, Please, I'm so sorry. I'm so...sorry. My god." I cried. It was never meant to happen.

"I'm so sorry. I know you can never forgive me, but you need to know." I said softly.

"I'm such a coward. Telling someone who could never be able to say something back. I'll take anything Tohru, a scream, a shout, a cry. Just wake up." I tried once more desperately. Nothing. Then left. I walked out the door, out of the hospital, and out of her life. And this time, it would be for good.

**Haru's Point of View**

I hadn't gone home. I stayed at t he hospital the whole time. Sitting in one of the hospital chairs. Right next to her door. That's when I saw Ryou, walk out fast paced. Not even glancing at me. He never looked back, but the look on his face of one that was so resolute. Although I could see the tracks of tear trails left behind on his face.

Then I walked back into her room. And stayed there. Waiting for her.

**End of Flashback**

So here I was. On the hill of the old park. Thinking of her. I had finally left the hospital after Hatori had come back, ordering me back to the house. I visited her everyday. Just sitting there. Looking in distress at the tubes stuck to her, the machines beeping everywhere.

It scared me.

The thought that she'd never wake up. I always brought Kisa with me. It was the only time every she talks. She only talks when Tohru's there. Hatori had told us. She might be able to hear us or at least sense that we were here, if only at the slightest. I think Hatori only told us that to give us that little hope that encouraged us to get out of bed in the morning. So Kisa tries. She tries so hard. And yet again and again, nothing changes. Nothing happens. Nothing will ever change.

Kyo. He locks himself in his room all the time now. Yuki has given up in school. It will never be the same. Our whole family has given up. And so have I. I haven't slept, haven't eaten. Breathing has become a difficult task for me. Looking at her makes it worse, but I feel like I have to, be with her. No matter what. I hate myself. I hate myself for letting this happen.

Ryou. He disappeared. That bastard. I clench my hands thinking of him. How he up and left. For the second time. And for the first time, in what felt like ages or maybe in my whole entire life, I prayed. God, Please, Anyone who's up there. Bring her back. I want her back. That silly girl. Can't she see what she's done to us?

----------------------------------------------------

**Important Author's Note**:

Since you guys have been such good reviewers, I decided to post this up sooner than I planned. Yes, you have. (Just so you know, I wasn't going to post it up until a montha from now, even though I had already written it) But just becuase I did it now, doesn't mean I'll do it again. That'll only happen if you guys impress me by reviewing as much as you did for the last chapter!

Most of you probably wouldn't remember the part where Uo warned Tohru against Ryou, but if you don't, look back to one of the first chapters. Okay guys! We only have at the most two or three chapters to go before this whole thing is over! And I must say I am very happy with this story. Happy in the sense that I might actually finish a story that I started. I think its beacuse you guys are being great reviewers.

I'm not going to change It to Akito/Tohru, I've already gone to far with the whole Haru thing, plus I like Haru. Sorry for this shoetree, but I needed to write it before I got writers block. But I think I'll actually finish this story! Will she wake? Will she ever? I'm a down to earth person. Most people in comas don't magically wake up. No matter how hard you try or wish it. I've tried. So keep this is mind. Even though, I'm not saying this will happen. I said, 'Most' people in comas. Not all.

**Review** please! Let me rephrase that. **If you don't review, it makes me feel like no one reads the story, which makes me feel that there is no point in continuing it.** D So please do **review**. Oh, and yes. I do respond to review when asked a question or if what you say interests me. P So drop one to me!


	12. Eleven: Last Hopes

_happiness_ will never come to those who  
**don't appreciate** what _they already have._

**Times** change,  
but as long as you_ hold on to memories_  
you'll still have a _glimpse_ of what the good times felt like.  
**No matter** what _you're facing_ now,  
you can think of the good times  
just so you can **escape from the present**  
for a _little bit_ to remember the times when everything was great.

* * *

**Chapter Eleven: Last Hope**

It's already been two months, and things stayed the same. Nothing changed ever since that day. After it happened, things changed. And it wouldn't change, not the way things had gotten now. She was moved back to the Main house kept in the hospital like wing of the house, under home care. She never woke up, never moved, never spoke another word. And Ryou, never came back.

Things remained the same in the house since that day. Kisa went back to what she knew, not speaking. It was sad, watching Hiro trying to help her time after time. Kyo and Yuki, they'll never be the same, they fight all the time now, these times fiercer and angrier each time.

Shigure threw himself into his work. And Momiji, Poor poor Momiji, The spark in his eyes was gone. Hatori was the only one who seemed to be unaffected, even though, deep down, I know he was. He was just the only one who could cope well. And Akito, I really don't give a fuck about him.

We all were still obligated to go to school, although, ever since, we've been secluded from everyone else. It's not them, it was us. We had changed. Black Baru raged '_It's all her fault. It's her fault for doing this to us._' In my head. I thought angrily as I flipped up the lighter open and lit my smoke. I started a week or so after it happened. It was…just something to do. I sighed as I leaned against the school roof's fence.

"We have to get back to the house." I heard a voice from behind me say. I turned my head slightly, taking a drag out of my cig. It was Momiji, his eyes were cast downward. I shrugged in response.

"You shouldn't smoke you know." He continued, no emotion at all, still not looking anyone in the face. His hair had grown longer, covering half of his face.

"Why the hell do you care?" I ask, taking another drag. Momiji didn't say anything for awhile. Then finally looked up into my eyes, set and determined.

"I care, because she would've." He said through clenched teeth. My blood ran cold at that as I threw the cigarette on the floor. I clenched my fists.

"Yeah?! And you'd know that how? Do you even remember her?? Oh wait. I'm the only goddamned one who still visits her!" I shouted angrily. Accusing him of what he was guilty of. And it's true. After the first couple of weeks, everyone just stopped, given up hope. Besides Hatori, who took care of her health, and occasionally Kisa, No one else came. I went daily though.

"Do you even remember what she looks like? Her voice? Her smile?!" I sneered coming up inches to his face. He tried holding my gaze for a few seconds, but then slowly backed away. Facing the other way.

"Don't you have anything to say?" I asked softer.

"Anything at all?" I said even softer. Then I let it go. I walked back to my spot against the fence, and just looked down on all the people milling about the school. I heard the door to the stairs open slightly. And I knew Momiji was leaving.

"It's just hard, seeing her that way. I tried. I really did, but it's hard, knowing that even if she does wake up, she doesn't have much longer Haru, you and I both know it." He said before closing the door completely.

I don't know how long I stayed there, but when the sky turned the pink purple color was when I left. And by the time I got home it was pitch black.

I walked through the threshold and took off my shoes, and immediately set off for her room. It had become almost like ritual, everyday after school, I'd visit, check up on her progress, talk to her, give her company. I walked to the door, opened it, and sat down in my usual chair.

She still looked a little different now, her hair was now a little longer, her skin a little paler, and skinnier. It hurt to look at her, I still think about her everyday, she's in my head, she's in my dreams, to me it was like she was everywhere.

"Hey Tohru, your friends, that Yankee and the strange girl told me to say hi for them." I said to her, the first time I ever tried to talking to her while she was in the bed it felt awkward, like I was just talking to the wall. Now it was different.

The door opened slightly and Hatori came in. I usually ignored him at this point as he walked over to her bedside and jot down things on his clipboard, tinkered with the machines, and basically sighed and sighed again and again. But this time it was different. He stopped what he was doing and looked me straight in the eyes. The only thing in his eyes was determination, although hinted a little of hesitation.

"There's something I have to tell you, I don't think I should tell anyone else until I get your consent." He cut right to the chase.

"We've found a cure."

* * *

**Two Hours Later**

"What do you think?" He asked. By this time I had gotten up and stood by her bead, just smoothing down her hair. I didn't know what to do. This could save her though. I looked down at her face, seeing how much she had changed. I wanted her back. We wanted her back. If she come back, everything would be better. Things would work out again.

"I'd do anything for her…" I said looking down at her face, lightly touching her cheek.

"Even go against your morals?" he shot back.

"If there was a chance that she'd make it through this, all of this. I'll take it." I said quietly. I remember everything about her, her smile, her laugh, her everything. The things that made her her. If only I had said those words to her earlier, if only I had.

"You realize that there is a chance that something will go wrong." He said eyes narrowing.

Sometimes I just think back to that one day when we were at the park. When everything still worked out. When Tohru cooked one of her famous homemade meals, or when we would get lost in the city together, or even just walking her home from school. And I thought.

"Hatori…I love her." Was all I said, it was all I could say. Hatori hesitated before saying anything, but I could tell he knew. He already knew what I would say. He knew everything, way before I could even figure it out.

"I understand. We'll tell everyone else tomorrow so they'll have time to think about it." He said, then shortly walked out. I stayed in the room longer. Just thinking about what just had happened.

"Tohru…you can get better now. Everything's going to work out this time. I promise!" I said, while firmly holding her limp hand.

"Tohru, everything's alright now." I said, as tears silently streamed down my face. Tears of hope.

"Everyone will go back to the way things were. We'll go back to school, and we'll visit the park again. We'll do everything you want when you get better." I said to her, hoping she could hear me.

"I'm gonna go now okay?" I said, and softly kissed her on the forehead. And walked out, thinking of what was to come.

I went to sleep that night thinking about all that could be if it worked. My heart ached for her back. I only wish I was, tomorrow when everyone finds out, all hell would break loose. God only knows what Akito will say. I closed my eyes and thought about how things would turn out.

* * *

**The Next Day**

The next day Hatori had caught everyone at breakfast when he decided to tell everyone the news. I hung back, leaning against the door frame, listening to what they would have to say after they found out. I listened as Hatori began explaining. He walked up to the front of the long table and cleared his throat, effectively quieting the table, which was almost silent to begin with.

"There's something I'd like to discuss with everyone." He started, as he took another breathe. No one looked really interested at all. Just kind of staring into space, but then he continued, "In the States, they've been researching something that I think you will all be interested in."

Only Kisa looked up to him, "It's called Embryonic Stem Cell Research."

Yuki was the only one who showed recognition when he looked up with horrified eyes, "No!" Was the only thing he could say.

"Absolutely not! They're not even sure it will work, that goes against everything morally right." Yuki venomously protested.

"But your not seeing the good that can come out of this. I assume you understand what I am trying to say. This can change everything for the better." Hatori said, never once showing any emotion.

"It could kill her!" Yuki shouted back, eyes gone wild. My blood boiled at that, and I could feel Black Haru fighting his way out.

"And you think that keeping her in that room for the rest of her life isn't!?" I shouted back angrily.

"You don't understand!" Yuki screamed, "You think that as soon as this we treat her with this, everything will be the same, she'll cook us food, laugh her laugh, and make us laugh in return?! You don't fucking get it! That's not going to happen and it will never will!"

I went blind with anger, rage ensued me, and before I knew it, Yuki was back up into a wall, and I pushing his head into it. "You think I don't 'get' it?! You're the one who doesn't! HAVE YOU SEEN HER? HAVE YOU VISITED HER? SHE'S DYING. THIS COULD SAVE HER! WHATS NOT GETTING THROUGH YOUR HEAD?!" I should and screamed, banging his head into the wall.

I heard Kisa crying in the background, always crying, Shigure trying to pry my off Yuki, Kyo looking enraged at not knowing what was happening, Momiji scared. And Yuki, staring at me with those eyes that held such a hate.

"What the fucking hell are they talking about Hatori!?!" Kyo shouted in the background, but Yuki and I stared each other down. I could feel his hate vibrating off of him in waves.

"You're a selfish disgusting excuse for a man, you think that just because you love her it'll bring her back. Wrong. We can't change anything, God has willed this." Yuki whispered through clenched teeth. My fists tightened around his collar.

"This could save her. Do you even remember her? At all? She was always there for us." I said back. I could hear Kisa's crying, Hiro's comforting, Momiji's sniffles, and Kyo's shouts. But all of it was lost in the moment I was having with Yuki.

"No one can change what happened Haru, you know that."

"But I can still try." I said softly, as my grip softened, and let Yuki go. I made my way back to the threshold, silently looking on.

"Stem Cell Research can change lives. It can make blind people see, crippled walk, and diseases stop." Hatori continued as if nothing had happened.

"We've recently started continuing this research in the lab, This research could save the lives of people seriously ill. Can you think of someone." It wasn't a question.

He meant Tohru. No one said a word, but looks of comprehension came to faces.

"There have been successful cases in the States, and now we've decided to try it here. You all know why I'm bringing this up. We think we could cure her. We just need your consent now." Hatori looked hard into everyone's faces.

"So you want to fucking use her as a guinea pig?! Is that it??" Kyo shouted as he stood up abruptly, making his chair fall back with a loud bang.

"You're missing the point. Do you understand what I'm trying to say?" Hatori retorted.

"Yeah, your using her as a test subject. Trial and Error." Momiji said, snapping out of it. Banging his fist against the table.

"None of you understand! None of you! Have you seen her recently?! Laying on that bed is what is killing her!" I said from my post at the door.

"So you'd rather have the plug pulled??" Kyo asked.

"Why wasn't this kind of researching happening before? Hari. You have to tell us everything." Shigure said. Hatori cleared his throat.

"This hasn't been tried before because of the morality issue. The 'cure' for these various diseases come from fetuses. Unborn children, resulting from abortion." I heard gasps come from around the table and grunt of surprise.

The table was silent. No one said anything for a while.

"She wouldn't like that. She wouldn't approve of that, and you all know that. Even if she was cured, knowing what had saved her would be the end of her. She wasn't the brightest, but despite that, she would understand how wrong it is." Hiro spoke up for the first time in a while.

"I want sissy back." Kisa said softly. She had stopped crying. But it was worse now. Hope filled her eyes, it was like a desperate kind of hope. I could see the stab of sympathy that filled Shigure's eyes for her.

"I think we need to all take some time to think on this. Everyone get to school." Shigure said, effectively ending our conversation for right now.

"We'll all come back to this table at dinner, and by then we're all going to vote." Hatori said professionally.

"This isn't right." Yuki muttered. Kyo looked undecided, but you could see the longing in his eyes. Everyone wanted her back. Each one of them filed out, I had stopped listening. Zoned out, until I felt a light tug on the back of my shirt. I looked down to see Kisa, with her eyes wide.

"You want her back too, don't you…" I said looking at her, she nodded her head sadly and all I could do was sigh.

"Come on, let's go." I said, as we started walking in the direction of her school. It was drizzling, and I knew soon a storm was coming our way. I dropped Kisa and Hiro off to their school, and slowly walked away in random directions. Taking a left, right, another left again.

By the time I stopped walking, I was at the park again. I always saw her here, at this park. It was raining now. Hard enough to soak through my jacket, but not enough to make me look for shelter. I could feel her with me. I could see her face in my mind. I could hear her voice, whispering to me.

"_It's not your fault."_ I could hear her say. Smiling her stupid smile. Clasping her hands behind her back.

"I'm sorry," I whispered into the rain. I could see her face frown, confusion forming in her eyes.

"_Sorry for what? You know Haru, your silly."_ She grinned, raised her hands and started to twirl around in a circle laughing.

"Stop it, your not really here…" tears streamed down my face. Seeing her face in my mind was tearing me apart.

"_Haru…don't cry! I can make it better."_ She whispered to me, coming closer to me, her feature becoming clearer. She was coming towards me, her face inches away from mine, her arms starting to encircle me in a hug, but right before I could feel her arms.

It was gone, replaced by the cold sheets of rain.

I fell to my knees. Sobs racking from my body. _"I'm waiting for you Haru."_ She giggled, I shake my head around trying to look for her. Searching everywhere.

"I love you." I said softly, closing my eyes briefly. Getting up and looking around one last time. Waiting to see if I could hear her laugh once more.

I silently got up and shoved my hands into my pocket, head bent, and walked away.

* * *

**Important Author's Note: **

Yeah. I'm a bitch, I know. I haven't updated in a long time, but that's about to change. I swear this time. I'm going to try to get the next chapter up by next week. But I can't promise anything. **But reviewing will definately help make the process faster, atleast it certainly did this time, I mean, I opened my email and shocked at all the new reviews. So. Do that. Tell me what you think. Hate it. Love it. Tell all.**

For those of you who do know what stem cell research is, then you know it isn't as recent as I made it sound in this story. Stem cell research is morally wrong and even though they say that it's a scientific breakthrough, it's at the expense of one child's life through abortions, but hey, I'm just biasing my opinion on you. So think what you want.


	13. Twelve: Don't Leave

Okay, I'm having writers block. I need to find a new muse. I hate putting author's notes in the beginning of a chapter, but just work with me here. Okay, things may get a little confusing in this chapter. You really have to **read**, no not skim, **read**. Because I'm not sure, but the beginning might be a little confusing for those who don't catch on quick. It starts off in Tohru's point of viewAnd I realized some people (although most of you do) don't know what Stem Cell Research is. That's kind of really important. Here's an a link that can explain more on it: http://stemcells.nih.gov/info/basics/ **Please Review, tell me if I'm getting rusty **

* * *

"God is a comedian playing to an audience too afraid to laugh."

- **Voltaire (1694-1778)**

**Chapter Twelve: Don't Leave Me Alone**

'_Where am I?_' It was so quiet, everything. I felt so alone. I couldn't cry, couldn't scream, couldn't do anything, anything but dream. I kept on dreaming of him, wishing I was still with him, but knowing that really, I was alone. There was nothing. It felt as if someone had locked me in a windowless room, then shut off the lights. '_Am I dead?_' there wasn't any other explanation for it. For some reason, I had always thought of a bright light or pearly gates. Nope. Instead I was trapped in a closet of darkness.

'_Is this hell_?' It felt like it. Seeing the things I wanted to have, the people I wanted to be with, but it was all like watching it play in my head like a movie. Your watching it from a distance. Someone once told me in hell, there were many kinds of pain, but the one that hurt the most was the pain of loss. The loss of what you used to have, the people who you knew, the things that you wanted to do. All loss, this surely must be it. I had no sense of time. Everything blended into each other. Maybe it was days, weeks, months, years, I just don't know. Although, what I did know was the silence.

There were times though, when I could hear something though. I couldn't make out what it said, and the times when I did hear it was far and wide between. It sometimes calls my name, "Tohru! Tohru!" Sometimes desperate, sometimes sad, or pained, or even sometimes comforting, but besides the tone of the words, I could comprehend nothing. It was the same voice every time, although, the voice didn't speak often, which then left me in the darkness and silence feeling more helpless than I ever was.

By what seemed like millenniums past, I started to believe this actually was hell. That this was where I am now. Getting glimpses of the family I used to have, hearing a voice calling out to me, but never once able to reach them.

* * *

**Hatsuharu's Point of View**

I couldn't stand being inside the hospital. It was almost as if I could feel them. Everyone, all their sadness, anger, pain, mixed into this mass of chaos. I took out that cigarette that I bummed from Shigure and flipped open the lighter. I ran a hand through my hair, thinking about what was to come. Disappointment and sorrow or maybe even something close to a miracle. My heart was racing. This had to work, I know it will. In the end the decision was made by the family, although we had to get every family member's consent and signature to what was taking place on the third floor of the hospital room 312.

This was killing her. I could feel it. Even though she showed no signs to ever being aware of the world outside of her conscious, I knew it was like torture to her. The girl who was so full of life, trapped inside her own mind. I took a long drag out of my smoke.

We managed to get the whole family's consent of the matter after a long while of arguments and frustrations. And if this doesn't work, I don't know what'll do. Every single day since the incident I haven't slept and eaten well. Just breathing became a difficult task to manage. I needed her, she was my everything. Without her, I felt like the will to live, died with her.

"You know they've started right?" I heard a voice come from behind next to me. It didn't take a very long to realize it was only Kyo.

"Yeah." I said, I've found that always giving one word answers that it makes people get the vibe that you don't want them there. But Kyo was one of those people who didn't get that. I rolled up my sleeve to look at the rubber band on my wrist. It was an anger management thing that Hatori suggested I try. Whenever I got mad and felt like hurting someone I just plucked away at the rubber band. Ever since the incident happened, I became an angrier person I guess. Little things threw me off, and the darker part of me began to get aggressive.

"Are you alright?" he asked, leaning against the wall next to me.

"No." I said truthfully. What if this was a big mistake? What if her being like this made it easier for her? I wish I only knew. I wish I knew that by condemning her to this would turn out to be the best thing I could have done.

"This was the only thing we could do." He continued.

"Yeah." I thought. If this worked, if this worked, then she would be able to do all the things she dreamed of. All the things we've talked about and shared, but at what price? If this did work, how would we explain what we've done? She will never accept the fact that her life was saved because an unborn died.

Without saying anything else, I got up and left. There was someone everywhere and quite frankly, it pissed me off. Sakura trees lined the walkway to the hospital, much like school did, then branched off into a little park area. I found myself standing there thirty minutes later.

Traces of spring were beginning to show up in the greenery and the April showers were almost constant. I've always knew the saying about you never know what you've got until it's taken away from you. That saying came up especially in movies, and I remember a while back scoffing at it, I remembered calling them ignorant fools, and now I was one of them. I sighed as leaned farther back into the park bench and closed my eyes.

I think I fell asleep then, because the next thing I knew, someone was kicking my leg quite rudely. '_Son of a bitch.' _I could feel Black Haru burn inside me. I lazily opened one eye and saw Hiro standing there with Kisa close behind him. I held back my aggressive remark for Kisa's sake, but I did kick Hiro down to the ground with one leg.

"Yes?" I said settling back down into the bench. It was now really uncomfortable and I wondered how long I was sitting here.

"The doctor is asking to gather everyone." Kisa said softly. I opened both my eyes and straightened up again.

"Okay." I said, getting up. Along the way we found Ritsu. Besides the stutter and random sighs, he only went crazy over big things that even normal people (yet slightly bipolar) would go ballistic over, which was an improvement.

"We were the last people to file into the doctor's office. Most of the family was here, minus Akito. Even though the amount of people in the room, it was quiet and tense. You could feel the anxiety coming off of people in waves. Shigure was fidgeting and even Hatori looked perturbed. As soon as we all sat down at the long table, the doctor got up from the front and started to speak.

"The operation has been a success." He started off, I could see everyone calm down and loosen up considerably, " but, She's still showing signs of being comatose." I fisted my hands on the table, and this little gesture was enough to get the attention of half the room. Shigure looked me straight in the eyes, sending a message through them. '_calm_ _down_.'

"Now, before you say anything, we think it just might be after surgery affects. The drugs we used on her may be the cause. She should wake up in the next two days. And if she doesn't then…" He didn't finish his sentence but I got a feeling that everyone knew what he was getting at. He cleared his throat once or twice.

"We're going to need all of you, or whoever can available to be here whenever she wakes up, which should be in the next couple of days, so at least one of you need to be free whenever we call. People who wake up from comas get a little, well, unbalanced."

"I'll stay here until she wakes." I say without batting an eye. At this point I didn't care how people looked at me. Hatori had his work cut out for him with Akito. Shigure's deadline is in the next two days, and everyone else went to school, which I always skipped anyway.

"We'll all try to be free, we all will most likely." Yuki cleared that up while shooting me a look. As we all got up the doctor cleared his throat again and spoke a final time.

"Some people who wake from long term comas, tend to wake up with side affects. I just want you all to know what could happen if she does wake up. She may have some extent of bipolar disorder, a slight case of paralysis, or even amnesia. Things might get ugly."

That night when we all got home was a restless one. We were all asked to give our contact number. Cell phones, home phones, pagers, the works. I could barely get to sleep. I kept my cell phone on me all the time, every other minute checking if I missed a call, even though I knew the sharp ring would have been a good indication.

I kept on going over scenarios in my head about what it would be like when she woke up. What if she doesn't remember anything? What if she doesn't remember her family? But no, what I really wanted to know was, would she remember me? Waiting around was the worst part by far, and when morning finally came around the corner it felt like years had already gone by.

I sighed and got dressed for another long day. I dropped Kisa and Hiro off at their school as I usually did, then headed straight for the hospital, and to my surprise when I got there was that Yuki was already there waiting in the lobby. I could feel the discomfort and tenseness through his eyes. He didn't even bother to look my way as I sat down in the seat next to him.

"Your not the only one who cares about her you know." He spat out, casually looking around the waiting room. I had nothing to say to that, I bit back every mean thing I was about to say, and just looked around the room. What had happened to us? This couldn't have just been about our fight over the cure for Tohru. It had to have gone back farther. There must've been something I missed.

There were a lot of people here. Some crying, some smiling, some broken, It was so strange. You could feel the emotion in here roll like waves. Most of them in worry or despair, being in this place made you worry. I turned to look at Yuki, since he was defiantly not giving me any acknowledgement to even suggest that I here, I only got a look at his profile. I could see all the anger in his jaw line and eyes.

"What happened to us?" I asked him slowly, almost disdainfully I saw Yuki turn his head and look at me in what almost seemed on the verge of disgust.

"You became a hog." He stated. '_Does_ _he_ _want_ _to_ _get_ _hurt_?' Black Haru seethed inside of me. And then again, I started plucking the rubber band.

"Actually no, I'm a cow." I said annoyed.

"You hogged her all to yourself and I never got anytime with her anymore. Before you were always with her, I couldn't even say hi to her because you were always there. We didn't get to spend time with each other because you were always there! And now, NOW LOOK AT WHAT'S HAPPENED!" He shouted out the last part, loud enough for the other people to look our way, but then turned their heads back, as if this sort of thing always happened, which it probably did.

"If I never get to see her again, if I never get to speak to her again, if I never get to have my time with her again, I blame you, and I always will." He said in a hushed anger before swiftly turning and walking away.

Then it hit me. Did the others think of it that way too? Have I really been so blind? 'They're just jealous.' I could hear Black Haru sneer in the back of my mind. I just sighed and slid down further into the chair. I listened in to other peoples conversations, I heard about a new born on the first floor. A car accident by the school, a child gone blind. Then, I think I fell asleep again.

* * *

I felt drowsy. I could feel my body. Everything felt new. It felt different, it felt strange, but most of all, it was terrifying. I cringed at the sound of a door opening, it was so loud! I squirmed and wiggled trying to get some movement. '_Where am I?_' I thought frantically. _'What's going on_?' I tried to move in vain. I can't see. '_It's still dark!' _I thought to myself terrified. 

"**By God, I think she's awake."**

An unfamiliar voice spoke out. I couldn't open my eyes. I couldn't see. It sounded distant, far away, but not like before. Not like in hell. I felt as though it were actually right beside me. I tried making strangled noises coming out of my throat, but to no avail. I couldn't speak. I couldn't make my mouth to form the words I wanted to speak. I just kept on making screeches. I kept flailing and trying to move my body. I couldn't get any control. It's like I was watching myself fight back.

"**Someone contact her family immediately!! Nurse, get some sedatives. Someone hold down her arms!"**

I finally managed to pry open my eyes. The room was white, everyone was dressed in white. I saw myself wrenching my arms away from the strangers. My mind told me to panic. '_where am I??_' I thought to myself again. '_Stay away from me!'_

I think I started crying right about then, but I wasn't sure. I kept on screaming, or trying to make out words which were choked my by sobs. '_Haru! Haru! Where are you?!_' I thought desperately. People were running in and out of the room, they looked terrified, or maybe nervous. '_Someone help me!_'

"**Calm down miss! Everything is alright.**'

The unfamiliar voice came again, but I would have none of it. There was shouting of orders and people running in and out of the room. My head was going to explode. '_Get me out of here'_

* * *

**Hatsuharu's Point of View**

I woke up to the sound of confusion. I heard people shouting and this strange kind of screech. The nurses that ran up and down the halls looked almost extremely terrified or extremely anxious.

"**Someone get the Sohma family!" **and that's when it hit me. '_Tohru!_'

I jumped from my seat and started running. Down the hall way. Right, left, another right, till I was outside of her room. The door was open, and I could hear the unearthly screech coming from her room. As I got closer and closer I could hear all the shouting coming from there.

"**Get the sedatives! Someone hold her down! No! Don't hurt her imbeciles!"**

' _What the hell are they doing to her?!_' I let black Haru emerge.

I pushed all the nurses crowded around the bed to I could clearly see her. Her eyes were wild. Her face contorted by fear. She was struggling against the hold of the nurses, flailing her arms and legs, pushing them back away from her. She looked almost like a caged, frightened animal. The doctor caught sight of me in relief.

"WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER?!" I screamed in his face, grabbing him by the collar.

"N-n-nothing! I swear! Everything's new to her again. She can't get control of her body, fear has completely taken over her!" The doctor stammered. I dropped him to the floor and walked over to her bedside. The nurses where still trying to get a hold of her. Bruises on her upper arms were beginning to form from the effort to keep her down. Tohru, what has happened to you?

"DON'T TOUCH HER." I shouted loud enough to be heard over her screams. The nurses backed away uncertainly, a few of them had scratches on them from Tohru's attempt to get away. Tohru had stopped flailing, only enough to get air. I held her down to the bed, trying to get eye contact with her. She regarded me with strange wild eyes. She made no recognition of me and tried equally as hard to get out of my grip as the nurses.

"Tohru! Stop!" I heard myself shout at her. She shook her head, her tears flowing down her cheeks. She kept going at it. Pushing, shoving, hitting, the nurses came back again trying to hold her down with me.

"Try talking to her. She needs something familiar to calm her down!" The doctor said over all the commotion.

"Tohru please! It's me, Haru!" I tried again. This time she slowed down, her eyes becoming clearer. I saw a spark of recognition in her eyes. Her movements became less and less, and her breathing became shallow. Her eyes, which look bulged out from the lack of nourishment, looked me up and down. Trying to figure out something, but couldn't. She looked confused and scared.

She tried to speak, or say something, but all that came out was a screech, as if she had lost all ability to speak, or forgotten exactly how to speak. She had stopped moving now, just slightly shaking. She backed up all the way to the plastic back board of the bed, and looked around frightened. Everyone had let go of her by now, but some of the newer nurses were still spooked.

I tried coming closer to her, but she shrunk back even further, but her whimper of fear, was what hurt me the most. I drew back in defeat. She covered her face with her hands, and blocked us all from out view. The doctor cleared his voice behind me, and I turned to face him. The nurses were trying to sweet talk her out of it. Coaxing her to lay back down. She just stayed there against the wall as if their eyes burned through her.

"I think it's best that you don't see this." He said knowingly. And for once, I listened to a doctor. I started heading out slowly, as if I was walking away from her again. I reached the door to her room, and slightly leaned against it before starting to walk out.

Without turning around I could hear Tohru's screeching. Her words getting messed up in her throat. I couldn't will myself to leave the room, but seeing her like this hurt. Hurt in way a that I've never felt before. It was worse that watching her lay in a bed for the past two months.

"**Shit! Don't let her walk!"** I heard the doctor scream from behind me. The nurses were shouting too, I heard something hit the medical cabinet, then fall into one of the trays I could hear something scuttling around the room, but I couldn't will myself to turn around and look.

"**Get her back in the bed!"**

I started to walk out of the door way, then I felt something attach onto my leg. Someone was grabbing at me. Throwing all their weight onto me, which admittedly, wasn't much at all. I looked down, almost terrified at to what I would find. It was Tohru. Her tears were coming out free flow as she clutched onto my leg for dear life.

"H-h-haruuo!" she tried to speak my name. She tried again, but all that came out were her screeches. I looked around and everyone was in shock, the sliding trays were all overturned, things from the medicine cabinet were on the ground, and the doctor was looking quite surprised.

Without even thinking, I picked her up in my arms, and just held her there. Letting her crying, letting her hit me, letting her stay close to me. I felt my eyes water as I held her in my arms. She kept on trying to speak, but screeches were all she could manage, I smoothed down her hair, and rubbed her back, all the while whispering comforting words to her.

"D-d-duoont leavahve." She tried to speak. Her voice becoming choked and her hair sticked to the sides of her face.

"Shhh, it's okay. It's alright. I'm right here with you." I said softly into her hair. The doctor silently gestured for me to lay her down on the bed, but she wouldn't let go of my shirt. The doctor sighed, and pointed to one of the couch chairs that were in the room, and I settled down in one with her in my lap.

The doctor whispered orders to the nurses, and one of them came out with a needle filled with sedatives. They gave her a dose and I could feel her dead weight on me. The doctor came over and took her heart rate and nodded. They went through other procedures with her still in my lap. She stayed there until she got to sleep, then the doctor short of ordered me to put her in the bed.

As soon as I was sure she was alright, I quietly headed into the hallway with the doctor.

"As you can see, there were some problems in he awakening." I narrowed my eyes. '_Stupid bastard_.' I thought.

"She is having some voice box problems, from not being able to use them for so long, and her legs aren't' showing much sign of working in her control. What I mean to say is, that they are working, but she can't remember how to use them." I regarded him with cold eyes.

"These things will come back to her as normal though, just think of her as a new born, she has to learn to do everything all over again. When she's fully comprehensive, we'll be able to find out what she doesn't remember and what she does. But it is apparent, that she does remember you. You were close with her, am I right?"

"Yes." I murmured, trying to catch a glimpse of her through the window in the door.

"I'll leave you to her then. There's a button beside her bed, press it if anything happens." Was all he said before walking away. I walked back into her room and pulled up a chair by her bed, like I've done so many times before. I held on of her hands, and I felt her lightly grip it back this time, unlike the other many times before.

And for the first time in a long time, I smiled.

* * *

Comments? Likie? No likie? How'd it turn out? I've been waiting for a really long time to actually write this part. Please** review**. Because if you do, I'll try to write the next chapter (which is possibly the next to last chapter) really soon. 


	14. Thirteen: What I am to You

"once in a lifetime

means there's no second chance

so I believe that you and me

should grab it while we can."

elena

**Chapter Thirteen**

I chuckled slightly at Hiro's antics to impress Kisa. The fact that she wasn't paying a bit of attention to him made me almost laugh out loud, but knowing the string of events that would turn into, I decided not to mention anything. It was too good of a day to be ruined by that little brat of a boy.

"Sissy! Sissy look! I picked all of them for you!" Kisa said her voice strong showing Tohru all the flowers she picked from the family garden. Kisa rose to the tips of her toes to ensure that Tohru could see them from her chair.

"Careful, Don't want her to roll away again." Hiro snickered, from where I was sitting it was easy to just reach out with my leg and send a mighty kick that would send him on his ass, but knowing the look and sound of disapproval I would get from Tohru, I settled for throwing a tiny pebble his direction.

"Hiro! Don't be mean to Tohru!" Momiji shouted ruefully at Hiro.

"No no!! its fine, he's right actually. This time I promise to steer this thing better!" Tohru exclaimed with a hand in the air.

Tohru has been confined to a wheel chair until she can control her legs fully. It's been a week? Maybe two since she left the hospital. And at least three weeks since the she woke up. She can walk, or rather hobble around, but I felt safer for when she was in a wheel chair...except that took some getting used to. The wheel chair I mean.

In the beginning Tohru couldn't really speak coherently. So when her wheel chair and her in it accidentally started rolling down the slight incline of the side walk, only the strangled sound from her throat alerted us when she was already halfway down the block. Needless to say Kyou and Yuki practically flung themselves down the street after her. The event would have been quite comical, had my nerves didn't get the best of me.

I heard Tohru giggle and look on appreciatively at Kisa and her flowers, "Thank you Kisa, They're really pretty!"

"I can braid them in your hair for you sissy! It'll be really pretty!" Kisa exclaimed, without even waiting, she hopped onto the bench in I was sitting on, which was also right next to Tohru and her chair and started braiding the flowers into it.

"Careful Kisa! Don't fall." Tohru said worriedly.

"I got her." I said, angling myself so that if she did indeed fall, I could catch her quickly. Tohru smiled at me. God, how I loved her smiles. Loved. Even just thinking the word made blood rush to my face. Ever since Tohru woke up, I've been with her constantly, yet never actually alone with her. For this I was grateful, yet also quite irritated. If it wasn't Yuki it was Kyo, if it wasn't Kyo it was Shigure, if it wasn't Shigure is was Ritsu, if it wasn't any of them, it was always Kisa, Hiro, AND Momiji. The only reason I even tolerated Hatori was because he was Tohru's doctor.

There were so many things I wanted to tell her. About when she was gone, about how crazy I went. About how I pretended to forget the kiss. Oh the kiss. Dammit. Do I have to be so stupid sometimes?

"There! All done." Kisa said tilting her head examining her work. It was actually very well done. The daisies she twisted and braided in her hair resembled that of a tiara of flowers in Tohru's hair. It made her look so serene.

"Thank you so much Kisa! I feel just like a princess." Tohru said, feeling the flowers in her hair with a gentle smile.

The familiar ring of the ice cream man came into my ears and Momiji and Hiro were already on the race to greet it.

"Go on Kisa!" Tohru encouraged her. Kisa left with them, leaving Tohru and I alone for a what I know would only be a brief moment.

I looked at Tohru, she looked so healthy, so beautiful, so innocent. I wanted her to stay this way forever. She looked so happy. Then she turned to look at me. I could feel the color in my cheeks rise up again, and being the coward I turned into, I swiftly looked away as if only glancing at the scenery. And I knew she knew, because she started giggling.

I saw her hands reach for mine in the corner of my eyes, and found it to be true when I felt her small hands slightly tug at mine. At the moment I felt her, I firmly set her hand in mine, what I didn't notice was her other hand reaching for my face pulling it to look her in the eyes.

**Tohru's Point of View**

"Hey there lazy." I said sticking my tongue out at him and was graced with his smile, which was replaced with a fake look of shock, "Lazy? You have severely hurt my persons with that statement."

"Oh?" I said, laughing at his words. When I quieted I noticed how peaceful everything was. The sun was shining. The air was cool. Things were almost in dream-like sequence. I felt the warmth of his hand close on mine and I searched his eyes for answers to the questions in my head.

"Haru?" I asked tilting my head slightly, seeing if he was even paying attention.

"hmm?" he murmured.

I bit back on my tongue, knowing that whatever was going to come out was going to most likely be pretty forward, not able to be taken back, and very embarrassing on my part if my assumptions are as incorrect as I think them to be. Who said to assume is to make and ass of both you and me?

"Well..." I said, taking my hand away from his cheek and withdrawing my hand from his. I placed them on my lap and fiddled with my fingers. I felt slightly stupid.

"Are you okay Tohru? Whats that matter? Do I need to get Hatori!?" Haru asked going into instant panic mode. He jumped off the bench and keeled down in front of me in the my wheel chair. Giving me a once over with his eyes to make sure of any inconsistencies. Ever since I got back from the hospital, the things I did that were even slightly questionable sent people on edge.

"Haru! Calm down!" I laughed lightly, not wanting him to get embarrassed at his show of concern. Now that he was eye level with me and directly in front of my gave me perfect view of his face. Worrying seeped out of his eyes and I felt guilty.

"I just wanted to well...you know talk." I said fiddling with my hands again. Nervous habit I newly acquired.

"Go on." Haru said waiting patiently for what I had to say. His eyes made me lose myself and whatever I was thinking, but I looked down at my hands instead. I felt nervous. This was really the first time in weeks we've been alone together. And I feel like...confused.

"Ever since, you know the hospital and the weeks of me now being able to say anything, it gave me a lot of time to think." I started off, "...and well, I've realized sometimes we've only got that once in a lifetime moment to set things right, to make sure you get your happy ending."

I took a deep breath.

"And I want to make sure I have mine, completely regret free...so...Haru?" I said began with a quivering voice from nerves, then steeled myself for the question I was about to ask and the answers I wasn't too sure I was going to receive.

"Haru...What are we?" I asked strongly, not looking him directly in the face, but the to flowers beyond him. In the background I could see the confusion written all over his face. I felt my heart beat faster, I felt the color rush to my face. I felt completely stupid.

"Wait...I mean...well...What am I to you Haru?" I couldn't look at him. I felt like if I looked at him my walls would crumble. I felt like if I looked at him I wouldn't be able to bear it if the answers was nothing. I felt like if I looked at him I would lose all my resolve. He didn't speak.

He didn't speak for quite a few moments.

In that instant. That once in a lifetime moment, I felt like I royally screwed up, but I wasn't ready to let this be end. I wasn't willing to let this be my happy ending.

"Remember that day when we were at the park? You don't remember it but...you kissed me. And...well...I..." I paused. My head was almost completely turned to the right of me where a lovely set of flowers were placed by Kisa on the bench, "I...haven't been able to get it out of my head." I finished softly.

He still said nothing. Humility was beginning to bear down on my shoulders.

"You brought me back. You brought me back when I was sleeping. I...could feel you. I could feel you close by. This may all sound really stupid and I'm not even sure what I'm saying and maybe I'm just being stupid, I don't even really understand I-" Take deep breaths, I mentally reminded myself. I suddenly felt so self conscious. I felt...scared. Scared of rejection. I really wish I would think twice before I said such silly things.

I didn't even finish my sentence. It was only my nervous prattling. Why wasn't he saying anything? I couldn't bare to look at his face. Why hasn't he said anything at all? Is this...Is this rejection? What is this?

"Haru...I ask you again...What am I to you?" I sucked in a whoosh of air as I asked yet again. I felt like my hairs were standing on ends. I felt him shift slightly in front of me.

He stilled for a couple more minutes, then reached forward to me with his hands, and gently lifted my face up to look at him, still kneeling in front of me. He held my face so gently with his hands and holding me with his eyes. I felt like his eyes were sucking me into them body and soul. Then slowly. Ever so slowly, his face came closer to mine.

Closer.

Closer.

So close.

I could feel his lips so close, so close, yet not touching. But his eyes still help me trapped in them.

"You asked me what you are to me..." He said, I could feel the warmth of his breath on my face.

"But it's impossible for me to describe in words.." He continued, I felt his nose brush the tip of mine ever so lightly.

"This is what you are to me Tohru." He said before closing the gap between our lips. He held my face firm, yet gently, bringing one of his hands down behind my head twirling it in my hair. His lips were like electric on mine, I could feel his want, his need, his being on me. Kissing him made the world around us stop. I could no longer hear the music of the ice cream truck, I could no longer see the beautiful flowers. I just felt him and me. Together. He broke away sooner than what I have liked. He left me gasping for air.

"You are the world to me. I'm not good with words, I can't describe what you are to me, but I promise, I will make it known to you Tohru..." he accented my name with a kiss on my forehead, then pressing out foreheads together bringing his hands down to hold me in a tight embrace, His smile was all that I needed to make it known that he cared. Only his smile.

And just like that I felt complete. We were two hearts intertwined as one and it took us a damnedest long time to get here I thought with a smile.

**Momiji's Point of View**

"Hiro! Can you please shut up?" I whispered over to the snorting Hiro. Kisa was completely entranced with what was going on before her.

"Hiro! Shhh!" Kisa whispered to her companion. Not once removing her eyes from the scene.

"hmmm...I wonder if Haru-chan would be mad if he caught us." I wondered out loud as we were currently spying on their scene behind the bushes.

"Psh, Thats more like the understatement of the year." Hiro snickered once again.

"Hey! You guys. What are you doing over there?" Yuki shouted from far behind us. I smacked my head in exasperation. Did anyone know how to correctly spy on people!?

"YUKI! SHHH!! Just get over here!" I whispered loud enough for him to hear me and frantically waved him over. He walked over slowly, he must've known something was up...maybe it was the fact that we were all staring at something with out head through the bushes. He crouched down to match out level.

"What are we looking at now?" He asked quietly.

"Something that will possibly cost us our lives if Haru knew." I said back eyes still glued to the scene.

"huh...oh really...about Haru?" Then he stuck his head through the bushes too, I should have known the reaction that was about to come. Yuki became stiff. He pulled his head out of the bushes in almost like an robotic like movement. Eyes turned into dots. Shock filled him to the brim.

"Yuki what the hell are you doing stupid mouse? Aren't you too old to be a peeping tom? Perverted rat! That's illegal for you!" Kyo shouted from across the street. Yuki didn't even react. I wasn't sure if was over the initial shock just yet.

"Now now Kyo! Lets not loose our temper. How would our flower take it if she knew you've gone back to fighting." Shigure said with a bit of his theatrical antics to add to his words.

"Where is Tohru? I bought more books on fruits baskets for her! Since I'm not really sure which kind to buy her, I just bought more books on them!" Ritsu cried out.

"...Books...on fruits? Really now you-" Shigure was cut off by my frantic waving for him to come over. I didn't even waste my breath I just stuck my head back into the bushes. And after a few rustling noises I knew the did too.

"WHAT THE-" quick thinking was the only thing that saved us here. Hiro clamped over Kyo's mouth before too much damage was done, probably only doing so for Kisa's sake, but yet Kyo was much stronger that when he stood up above the bushes he brought Hiro up with him and flung him off his face.

"HATSUHARU GET YOUR FUCKING HANDS OFF HER!" Kyo screeched like a banshee. Only thing holding him back was Shigure with the help of Hiro.

"KYO! WHY'D YOU HAVE TO GO AND RUIN IT! THEY WERE HAVING A MOMENT!" I whined loudly in his ear standing up too.

Tohru's face went completely red. Haru looked dumbfounded. Which quickly turned into anger. Which quickly turned into Black Haru. Which quickly turned into screaming. Which quickly turned into me announcing to everyone:

"Run now. Run fast."

Apparently the only ones who understood the trouble they were in was me, Kisa, and Hiro. As we rushed off the scene. The last thing we saw was Black Haru rush over to the hideout where a still shell-shocked Yuki crouched, a pissed off Kyo stood, and a completely confused Ritsu and Shigure swayed. The last thing we heard was Kyo's loud shouting and Haru's even louder punches.

_**Later That Day**_

**Tohru's Point of View**

"Yuki...?" I asked the robotic-like figure pushing my wheelchair. Shigure had encouraged Yuki to wheel me away from the commotion Kyo and Haru were making before I could protest. We were now on some random street in some random part of the city, a good few blocks away from the hospital. So far away that I was no longer able to hear Haru's and Kyo's yelling.

"Uh?" was his monosyllabic reply, and I turned around to look at him, his eyes still dot-like, his walking robotic, and his face locked into a state of shock. I cringed.

"Are you sure you're okay Yuki?" I asked, knowing the real answer.

"Uh." came his reply once again, thats when I started to worry.

"Yuki, you know I was going to tell you myself..." I started off, thinking of a way to explain the earlier...scene. He stopped pushing my chair. In front of a familiar place. Yuki didn't seem to notice. His eyes were still...at little off.

"Uhhh?" he questioned, I tried turning my body around to face him, but found myself unable to, moving around still

"Yuki, hold on," I said as I took hold of the wheels and with much difficulty swerved myself around to face him. Yuki still looked shocked and dazed. I sighed.

"Okay, now Yuki," I said taking hold of the front of his shirt, bringing him down to eye level. "Nothing has changed. We are...still friends right?" I asked hesitantly, but Yuki snapped out of his reverie at my question.

"Tohru! Of course we are, to even think you thought for a second that-"

"Oh Yuki dear!! My darling baby brother! That you came to visit me brings out the shine in my eyes!" came the sing-song voice of Ayame.

Yuki had stopped us right in front of Ayame's fabric store. I had realized it the moment we came, but Yuki, who was still in mode-breakdown, didn't. The changes Yuki went through in the last minute was almost comical. From robot, to shock, to annoyance with a hint of anger.

"Tohru dear you should have told me you were coming to visit! Come come now! Let's get you inside, you too baby brother!" He sang, immediately taking control of my wheel chair and whisking me away into his store, leaving a dumbfounded and albeit annoyed young man standing outside. Yuki begrudgingly walked inside, bombarded with all the color and patterns of the store.

**Yuki's Point of View**

I watched as my stupid good for nothing brother steal Tohru away and I held myself with my teeth gritted. He brought us to the back room with the couches and I sat crossly as Ayame and Tohru had some sort of animated conversation. My patience was slowly wearing, why were we even here?

I looked at Tohru, she looked so happy. Her smile made the room brighter and it made me relax a little in this...place. Tohru and Ayame kept on talking while I sat. I couldn't help but watch them. Tohru had always been so nice and reserved, but now, it felt as if she had become free. It felt like she genuinely loved herself, her friends, family, life. I never met anyone like her.

My face grew hot when I realized all I could think about was her. "Yuki dear! Are you okay brother of mine?" Ayame asked, getting up and inching dangerously closer and closer to my face.

"What do you want now?" I asked a little harshly, Ayame had that spark in his eye that I particularly did not like.

"Do you not feel well?" Tohru asked innocently, wheeling herself to my side. She was so close to me, holding up her hand to my forehead. She looked so concerned and it made me feel warm again.

"I'm fine Tohru, really I am." I said softly.

"We should go to Hatori anyway, just in case! Let's go back to the hospital." She said decisively, her maternal instincts kicking in, waving her arms around as if to signify that her word was final, and I just shook my head and smiled at her antics. She really was too much sometimes.

"We had better check on Haru and Kyo too." She said as an afterthought and my face fell, Tohru may be very different now but oblivious as ever to the subtle things, Ayame on the other hand did notice. I had forgotten. Tohru was Haru's. Haru was Tohru's. They completed each other in some obscure way, I don't know how I missed it, maybe it's me who was the oblivious one.

"Hmm...Well, I guess I'll have to made due with the amount of Tohru time I got." Ayame said with a dramatic sigh. I gritted my teeth again adding the roll of the eye. Tohru just laughed as Mine took control of her wheelchair, bringing her to the store area, leaving me alone with my for lack of better words...brother.

I got up from the couch and went to follow Tohru and Mine, but a hand stopped me on my shoulder. I didn't turn around.

"Tohru loves Haru a lot doesn't she." Ayame asked softly, being the most serious I've ever seen him...ever.

"How am I suppose to know." I said roughly, shaking him off my shoulder.

"She's happy with him Yuki." He said more clearly. I clenched my jaw shut. I said nothing to him. What was there to say? Nothing was said for a few moments. I wondered why I hadn't left yet, but I knew, I knew that what he had to say, I needed to hear.

"Just be happy for her."

"I am." I said a little loud, Ayame just made a tsking sound, which made me swerve around to face him annoyed.

"I am!" I yelled at him. Ayame looked so sad...maybe not sad, more like pity. It only angered me more. I stared him down, silently daring him to say something else.

"You're not." He said simply, breaking out gaze and walking past me to the door outside to the store, hesitating.

"Be her friend, be her support, but you can't be Haru." He said before leaving me standing here. It was him who walked away from me I silently mused in my head. First time it had ever happened. It was odd. He said things I didn't want to hear, he spoke truth. Regaining whatever left composure I had, I walked out into the store, Ayame already back in his happy place.

All of the sudden Haru came barging through the doors, eyes frantically searching the store till his eyes fell on Tohru. He breathed a sigh of relieve and fell to one knee in front of Tohru panting from his sprint. Tohru just giggled and played with the top of his head. Her eyes were shining. I saw Ayame give me a pointed look.

When I saw Tohru with Haru, Ayame's words hit me. Tohru was happy. She was smiling and laughing. I saw the way she looked at him, how he looked at her. It looked right. I could never be Haru, but I could always just be there for her. She was radiating joy and maybe that was all I ever really wanted. A small smile came to my face when I saw Tohru lean into Haru's embrace.

Ayame was by my side again, just standing there. Not saying anything for a first. Watching the scene nonchalantly with me.

"I understand now." I whispered. Ayame just nodded.

"As I knew you would." he said after the moment was over.

"Haru-kun! Your a strapping young man! Could you be a dear an help me with this box?" Ayame sang, back in annoying mode, he magically had a big box next to him...unless it was always there.

Haru shrugged and picked up the box, Ayame guiding him to the back room, leaving me with Tohru. I sighed, shaking my head, I guess I had never truly known Ayame. I walked to stand in front of her, she looked up at me expectantly. I coughed to clear my throat.

"Tohru...I am happy for you." Tohru looked at me understandingly. She looked like she knew.

"I am sorry it too me so long to say it." I said with a small smile.

"Friends?" She asked, twinkle in her eyes.

"Always." I said smiled, I felt at peace with it. Then as soon as it came it ended as Haru came back with Ayame. I don't think he really saw me or acknowledged my presence. I was pretty much forgotten, I didn't mind. Haru ad Tohru went back to the hospital.

"You did the right thing." Ayame was next to me again, I started to wonder how he did that.

"I did what I wanted, nothing more, nothing less." I said clearly, crossing my arms, refusing to look at his know-it-all face.

"Come now brother! Mine made us tea, take a seat if you would and let your wonderful brother tell you all about his day!" Ayame said twirling around with sparkles coming out of nowhere.

"and I would want to do that because?" I said bored already with his change of attitude.

"Because we're brothers!" Ayame said, pulling me into the back room where Mine prepared the tea. And for once, I didn't resist. After all, we are brothers.

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Awe almost done here :) Review please!!!!! 


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